I Want My Sh*t

It was like March, April, fuckin' Libra

Fuckin' um, shit

Taurus, born in 1775

I'm like three-hundred and something, but I'm still alive

I used to hang with the original Billy the Kid

You prob'ly think I'm only playing but, I did

My daddies were a two headed freak show

Momma, a fortune teller, Esmarelda Zella

Anyway, they had sex on a ouiji board

And I was born the next day, Violent J

When I was fourteen, I tripped on the train track

And I was crushed right there on the steel rack

I'm out cold, they thought it had fucked me up

I got up and itched my butt, I'm like, "What?"

Everybody tripped and called me the clown devil boy

Child of the witch heffer, whatever

Tied me up, burned me and threw stones

Had a few scrapes and cuts, smokey nuts

After that they started bowing and shit

Praying to me, you know how them primitives get

I said, "Get off my dick, I ain't a savior

I'm what you call a juggalo and all I want is my flavor

Four simple things in this bitch, before I die

I want a rusty axe

I want to know Voodoo

A fat bitch named Bridget

And a little sip of Faygo, too

Till I get my shit in this motherfucker, I won't never die"

Oh, hell yeah

So anyway

50 years pass, all my homies are old ass fucks

I ain't even got hair on my nuts

I left the village in search of my ends

I wrestled alligators, battled Terminators

Nothing ever killed me, nothing could harm me

I fought in the Civil War, Yankees army

I walked across enemy lines with a MAC-10

Man, they didn't even have that shit back then

How you just gonna come in my shit and fuck it up?

Well at least make this shit sound real, man, damn

Walked across enemy lines with a lantern

Steady taking cannon balls, to the balls

The war ended, I traveled the country horseback

Until this fool tried to horsejack

He put his gat to my head and blew my face up (Pow)

It didn't even smear the makeup

I took his gun and put a divot in his neck

Sheriff didn't like it, I got indicted

Eighty-seven long years in the state pen

Until they finally forgot why they put me in

They had to let me go, can't hold me on nothin'

On the way out they're like, "Yo, ain't you like a hundred and something?"

I said, "That's right, and I ain't gonna die

Till I get my shit, motherfucker"

I want a rusty axe

I want to know Voodoo

A fat bitch named Bridget

Just a little sip, or two

Till I get my shit in this motherfucker, I won't never die

Ooh, yeah

I slept under bridges, lived in the valleys

I climbed up mountains, searched the alleys

More years passed, and I still ain't died

Now I'm in Detroit on the Southwest Side

My homie has an Impala, blue '67

Last night we hit the road, pushing 111

I stuck my head out the window, told him floor it the most

And let my nugget ping off a light post

Hell yeah, 'cuz!

Hurts a little bit, but then you get a straight buzz

The world hates me 'cause of shit like this

They always try to kill me but miss

I know it's odd that my face is forever painted

When I was born, the bitch-ass doctor fainted

My tongue's a little long, I choke people with it

Looks kinda nasty, but chicks dig it

And I told ya, my neck can stretch for miles

I sorta look like something from The X-Files

People wanna see me die more than a little bit

But I'm a juggalo, and as a juggalo I want my shit

And I ain't gonna die till I get it

I want a rusty axe

I want to know Voodoo

A fat bitch named Bridget

I said Faygo, fuck Mountain Dew

Till I get my shit in this motherfucker, I won't never die

Die

Die