How to Be a Confidante

Lesson one on how to be a confidante You put on your helmet and pray to any of the gods You heard about on Sundays And one of these days it'll all belong to you, amen! The wind blows and the daffodils grow In the borders, bushes, and bread bins, and I'm in trouble again The charity band has lost its middle C, you see The elderly children climbed over the playpen and onto the bowling green It seems they have more in common with the veterans And con men with sandwiches, sandwiches Waves and waves of strawberry lace My doctor won't treat animals And the veterinarian cannibals aren't hungry, woe is me! Back to the basics, oh, let's start again We'll get it right this time in the end The fire of Satan will have no reason to burn Where did that come from? I seem to have become a preacher of sorts I guess I'll sort the linens into darks and lights and delicates, like me But I'm a big, strong man, make no mistake And I'll break into song And when the whammy bar goes All of my friends might sing along If I'm lucky, I'll never have another friend like you If I'm lucky, I'll never have another friend like you If I'm lucky, I'll never have another friend like you If I'm lucky, I'll never have another friend like you Lesson two on how to be a confidante You tie your shoes in an equilateral nonagon And ponder on the meaning of truth, truth! Lies, lies, lies spouted the butterfly That was actually a moth that I dipped in yellow dye And I hung out on the washing line To dry with the dish cloths and dirty jokes I'll tell you later Complex music and abstract art and obvious opinions Hold no place within the courts of heaven, no, no! Yes, yes, oui, oui, uh-uh, whatever, and all of the above I only wanted to touch the face of my maker, oh my maker! Good little human, bad little rat Unanimous decision or something like that Either way, they'd better stay inside forever, lock 'em up! Well, that constellation looks like it's taking the mick (the mick) Out of me Orion's belt has never felt so hostile, I'm sore But I'm an open door to everything your obligation ends with I want to be best friends with you, only you! If I'm lucky, I'll never have another friend like you If I'm lucky, I'll never have another friend like you If I'm lucky, I'll never have another friend like you If I'm lucky, I'll never have another friend like you