Kathy; a Story of Love, Lust and the Country

Kathy grew up on the wrong side of town

She was grey 'fore she even turned twenty

And she was telling herself, cloaked in mom's hand-me-downs

“Nothing's older than midwestern money”

And she’d walk on to school

And greet old Mr. Al

As he guarded the Green Bay crosswalk

And he’d say “Kathy you fool”

Classic Al to ridicule

But Kathy’d still stop in to talk

Saying

Al, it oughta be a fine life

A fine life it ought to become

You and me’ve just begun

Then Kathy grew up and grew into a B-cup

Gave college a run for its money

Loved a boy who loved god

And dubbed herself as a fraud

So she packed up and drove to Kentucky

And her daddy said “These are the dog days”

So she drove with her head in the air

And to her dismay

When she got to the caves

Well, she still had knots in her hair

Singing

Oh it oughta be a fine life

A fine wife I ought to become

I’ve just not found the one (yet)

Fast forward four months, Kathy’s down in the dumps

Crossed the border on into New Jersey

And two men offered her scotch

And some trail mix hodgepodge

Now she calls them Nazar and Joey

In a day she drove southbound to Charleston

Ended up on the side of the road

The situation was sticky

So thank god for Ricky

Who gave her advice while he towed

He said

Hon', it’s gonna be a fine life

A fine life it’s gonna become

Once it’s you that you love

But for Kathy, self-love, it just wasn’t enough

So she took off toward Arizona

She got lost in the desert

Wearing only a dress shirt

Got mistaken for La Llorona

And she stayed with her Uncle Jamie

And they watched Johnny Carson reruns til morning

He said “They’re all dead now

That’s what life’s all about”

So, Kathy, she took herself bowling

So it might not be a fine life

And so it might never become

But she’s sticking with this one

Yeah she might not be a fine wife

She might not get the limelight

But damn it, she’s sticking with this one

So Kathy returned to the city

From the stage, she was singing her song

She looked out at the crowd, and as she went to bow

Oh, they all started singin' along

Singing

Woah, oh, woah, oh, oh

Woah, oh, woah, oh, oh

Woah, oh, woah, oh, oh

(Fuck, we're not doing that last one)