Headlights (feat. Nate Ruess)

Mom, I know I let you down

And though you say the days are happy

Why's the power off? And I'm fucked up, and

Mom, I know he's not around

But don't you place the blame on me

As you pour yourself another drink, yeah

I guess we are who we are

Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on

Maybe we took this too far

I went in head first

Never thinking about who, what I said hurt

And what verse, my mom probably got it the worst, the brunt of it

But as stubborn as we are, did I take it too far?

"Cleanin' Out My Closet" and all them other songs

But regardless, I don't hate you 'cause

Mom, you're still beautiful to me 'cause you're my mom

Though far be it from you to be calm, our house was Vietnam

Desert Storm, and both of us put together could form an atomic bomb

Equivalent to chemical warfare and forever, we could drag this on and on

But agree to disagree

That gift for me up under the Christmas tree don't mean shit to me

You're kicking me out? It's fifteen degrees

And it's Christmas Eve, "Little prick, just leave"

Ma, let me grab my fucking coat

Anything to have each other's goats

Why we always at each other's throats?

Especially when dad, he fucked us both

We're in the same fucking boat

You think that'd make us close (Nope)

Further away it drove us, but together headlight's shining

Car full of belongings, still got a ways to go

Like to grandma's house, it's straight up the road

And I was the man of the house

The oldest, so my shoulders carried the weight of the load

Then Nate got taken away by the state at eight years old, and

That's when I realized you were sick and it wasn't fixable

Or changeable, and to this day, we remain estranged and I hate it though, but

I guess we are who we are

Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on

Maybe we took this too far

'Cause to this day, we remain estranged and I hate it though

'Cause you ain't even get to witness your grand babies grow

But I'm sorry, Momma, for "Cleanin' Out My Closet," at the time

I was angry, rightfully, maybe so

Never meant that far to take it though

'Cause now I know it's not your fault and I'm not making jokes

That song, I'll no longer play at shows and I cringe every time it's on the radio

And I think of Nathan being placed in a home

And all the medicine you fed us, and

How I just wanted you to taste your own, but

Now, the medication's taking over

And your mental state's deteriorating slow

And I'm way too old to cry, this shit is painful though

But Ma, I forgive you, so does Nathan, yo

All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both

Foster care, that cross you bear, few may be as heavy as yours

But I love you, Debbie Mathers

Oh, what a tangled web we have 'cause

One thing I never asked was

Where the fuck my deadbeat dad was

Fuck it, I guess he had trouble keeping up with every address

But I'd have flipped every mattress, every rock and desert cactus

Own a collection of maps and follow my kids to the edge of the atlas

If someone ever moved him from me, that you could have bet your asses

If I had to come down the chimney dressed as Santa, kidnap him

And although one has only met the grandma once

You pulled up in her drive one night

As we were leaving to get some hamburgers

Me, her and Nate, we introduced you, hugged you

And as you left, I had this overwhelming sadness come over me

As we pulled off to go our separate paths, and

I saw your headlights as I looked back and I'm mad I didn't get the chance to

Thank you for being my Mom and my Dad, so

Mom, please accept this as a tribute, I wrote this on the jet

I guess I had to get this off my chest

I hope I get the chance to lay it 'fore I'm

Dead, the stewardess said to fasten my seatbelt, I guess we're crashing

So if I'm not dreaming, I hope you get this message

That I will always love you from afar 'cause you're my Mom

And I guess we are who we are

Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on

Maybe we took this too far

I want a new life

One without a cost

So I'm coming home tonight

Well, no matter what the cost

And if the plane goes down

Or if the crew can't wake me up

Well, just know that I'm all right

I was not afraid to die

Oh, even if there's songs to sing

Well, my children will carry me

Just know that I'm all right

I was not afraid to die

Because I put my faith in my little girls

So I'll never say

Goodbye cruel world, just know that I'm all right

I am not afraid to die

I guess we are who we are

Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on

Maybe we took this too far

I want a new life