Romeo & Juliet

It feels so good

Oh, that's my shit right there

That's the ticket, give me the ticket

Give it to me, baby (It feels so good)

You know it

I'm too emotional

Good luck to my future wives

And their future lives

Without me

You guys'll do great

I'm sure that I've prepared you

For every guy you'll date

And every guy you'll marry

And every guy you'll hate

It's the lullabies I sang out of tune

That's probably what did it

Or my twin-size mattress that I had since I was 7

That we have to sleep on whenever she spends the night

And if she falls off again

She'll find another guy to like

We're just Romeo and Juliet

But getting drunk and eating Percocets

But just to ease the stress

But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?

It is the east, but Juliet just puked off the balcony

How romantic

Nothing like getting drunk and getting manic

On a motherfucking Monday

I, I brush the bangs behind her lovely little ear

As she describes in detail how the end is truly near

Wow, and I'm sure that we can do this for forever

Or until we drink the poison, 'cause she sees some cloudy weather

As Rosaline lies in bed seething, wide awake

Because a burning love for Juliet only took a day

And if Romeo and Juliet continued to be married

Then there's half of a chance that their kids would get embarrassed

When all the kids at school all talk about their parents

And Romeo Junior has to say they're not together

And Junior will dream of the day when he's a man

And what he'll do to avoid that 50% chance

Of his kids feeling the way he feels

He'll probably just stick with the Netflix and chill

Dear Shakespeare

Could you write a happy ending please?

Could you write a happy ending please?

We just deserve a happy ending please, please

And every sting from every teardrop

From every ring at every pawnshop

I'm not missing both my Christmases

Though family would be nice

In my dreams my kids are happy

And I know that they won't mind

One Christmas

Just one Christmas

Just one Christmas

Just one Christmas

But dear mom

Conversations from a couch haven't ever felt the same

Since you looked dad in the eye

And you told him that things are about to change

My mom was made from Adam's rib

And the marriage went south

When the snake came back and asked my mother out to dinner

And my dad found out

And asked my mom what that's about

And she said, "Oh, it's nothing"

But dad loves to shout really loud

Loud enough to knock the lamps and dressers to the ground

In my memory I can hear Chopin's Nocturnes

Playing in the background

A slow train wreck

You'll close your eyes but forever hear the sound

And boy, it's tough

'Cause that's the sound of people falling out of love