The Ballad Of Tom Jones

What did I do wrong?

Oh, you nearly drove me cuckoo

Am I really all that bad?

You're worse than Hannibal Lecter, Charlie Manson, Freddie Krueger

Why are we still together?

Oh, I can't leave you till you're dead

You mean, till death do us part?

I mean like cyanide, strangulation, or an axe through your head

It was lucky for us, I turned the radio on

They say that music soothes the savage beast

There was something in that voice that stopped us seein' red

The two of us would surely have ended up dead

You stopped us from killin' each other (Tom Jones, Tom Jones)

You'll never know, but you saved our lives (Tom Jones, Tom Jones)

I've never thrown my knickers at you

And I don't come from Wales

Still haven't solved our problem

You mean, we hate each other's guts

Still wanna poison your pizza

And I still wanna cut off your nuts

I phoned the marriage guidance

I tied the phone line round your neck

I'm sick of all this hatred

Well, that will be the arsenic makin' you sick

You were about to drive me over the edge of a cliff

As I tried to jump out, I knocked the stereo on

You changed your mind and then slammed on the brakes

It was lucky for us, we bought his greatest hits

You stopped us from killin' each other (Tom Jones, Tom Jones)

You'll never know, but you saved our lives (Tom Jones, Tom Jones)

I've never thrown my knickers at you

And I don't come from Wales

And now the war is over

I've lost the edge to break your neck

I owe my life to What's New Pussycat?

Delilah stopped me hatin' you and wishin' you dead

Oh, I used to call you Satan

And you were Cruella de Vil

But now you call me your Delilah

And now I'm not your Lucifer

And I am just your pussycat

But just a word of warnin' now

Just in case we ever get tired of his voice

I know the Mafia, Godzilla, King Kong

And I know an atom bomb that's goin' for a song

You stopped us from killin' each other (Tom Jones, Tom Jones)

You'll never know, but you saved our lives (Tom Jones, Tom Jones)

I've never thrown my knickers at you

And I don't come from Wales

You stopped us from killin' each other (Tom Jones, Tom Jones)

You'll never know, but you saved our lives (Tom Jones, Tom Jones)

I've never thrown my knickers at you

And I don't come from Wales