I Want a New Duck

Whoa-oh

I want a new duck

One that won't try to bite

One that won't chew a hole in my socks

One that won't quack all night

I want a new duck

One with big webbed feet

One that knows how to wash my car

And keep his room real neat

One that won't raid the ice box

One that'll stay in shape

One that's never gonna try to migrate or escape

Or I'll tie him up with duct tape

I want a new duck

A mallard I think

One that won't make a mess of my house

Or build a nest in the bathroom sink

I want a new duck

One that won't steal a beer

One that won't stick his bill in my mail

One that knows the duck stops here

One that won't drive me crazy, waddling all around

One who'll teach me how to swim and help me not to drown

And show me how to get down

How to get down baby

Get it?

Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack

Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack

I want a new duck

Not a swan or a goose

Just a drake I can dress real cute

Think I'm gonna name him Bruce

I want a new duck

Not a quail or an owl

One that won't molt too much

One that won't smell too foul

One that won't beg for breadcrumbs

Hangin' around all day

He'd better mind his manners

Better do just what I say

Or he's gonna be duck pate, duck pate, yeah, yeah

Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack

Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack