Keep It Gay

Listen, Roger, did you get a chance yet to read Springtime for Hitler?

Read it? I devoured it. I for one, for instance never realized that the Third Reich... meant Germany

Yeah. How about that? Then you'll do it?

Do it? Of course not

(sung)

The theater's so obsessed

With drama so depressed

It's hard to sell a ticket on Broadway

Shows should be more pretty

Shows should be more witty

Shows should be more...

What's the word?

Gay?

Exactly

(sung)

No matter what you do on the stage

Keep it light, keep it bright, keep it gay

Whether it's murder, mayhem or rage

Don't complain, it's a pain, keep it gay

People want laughter when they see a show

The last thing they're after is a litany of woe

A happy ending will pep up your play

Oedipus won't bomb

If he winds up with mom!

Keep it gay

Keep it gay

Keep it gay

Couldn't agree with you more. And you have our blessings, Roger, to make Springtime for Hitler just as "gay" as anyone could possibly want. So come on, do it for us, please!

No, I'm sorry, Max, but it's simply not my cup of tea. But still, fair is fair. Perhaps I should ask my production team what they think. This is my set designer, Brian

Keep it glad

Keep it mad

Keep it gay

And here's my costume designer, Kevin

Hello!

Keep it happy

Keep it snappy

Keep it gay

We're clever, creative

It's our job to see

That everything's perfect

For Mr. DeBris

Next, Scott, my choreographer

Scott, in a skintight leotard, with an erection, dances into the room.}

Hi there!

And ah, finally... last, and least, my lighting designer Shirley Markowitz

Keep it gay

Keep it gay

Keep it gay

I don't think we're getting to them. What should we do now, Max?

Watch this: Roger, listen. I think that Springtime for Hitler would be a marvelous opportunity for you. I mean up to now, you've always been associated with frivolous musicals

Oh, you're right. I've often felt as though I've been throwing my life away on silly entertainments. Dopey showgirls in gooey gowns. Two, three, kick, turn! Turn, turn, kick, turn!

Oh, Roger

Oh, it's enough to make you heave. Nonetheless, I'm sorry, Max. I just couldn't do Springtime for Hitler

Why not? Think of the prestige

No!

Think of the respect!

No, no, no!

Think of... the Tony!

Tony! Tony! Tony! Tony! Tony!

Ngaaaaaahhhhh!

What's the matter?

{LEO, spoken]

Is he all right?

He's having a stroke...

What?

...Of genius!

I see it! I see it! At last, the chance to do something important!

Roger DeBris presents history!

Of course, that whole second act has to be rewritten. They're losing the war? Excuse me?! It's too downbeat!

Roger DeBris presents history!

But maybe... ooh, it's a wild idea, but it just might work...

(sung)

I see a line of beautiful girls

Dressed as stormtroopers, each one a gem

With leather boots and whips on their hips

It's risque, dare I say, S&M!

Love it!

I see German soldiers dancing through France

Played by chorus boys in very tight pants

And wait, there's more! They win the war!

And the dances they do will be daring and new

Turn, turn, kick, turn, turn, turn, kick, turn

One, two, three, kick, turn!

Keep it sassy

Keep it classy

Keep it... ha ha ha!

That is brilliant! Brilliant! Roger, I speak for Mr. Bloom and myself when I say that you are the only man in the world who can do justice to Springtime for Hitler. Will you do it, please?

Please!

Wait a minute! This is a very big decision! It might affect the course of my entire life! I shall have to think about it... I'll do it!

(sung)

I'll do it!

Sabu, champagne!

If at the end you want them to cheer

Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay

Whether it's Hamlet, Othello or Lear

Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay

Comedy's joyous, a constant delight

Dramas annoy us...

...and ruin our night

So keep your Strindbergs and Ibsens at bay

I'll sign

Sign

Sign

Sign

Sign

Sign

Sign!

Roger Elizabeth De Bris!

Keep it gay!

*Tag*

La la la la la la la la la

Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay

La la la la la la la la la

Keep it-

Conga!

La la la la la la la la la

La la la la la

La la la la la la la la la

La la la la la

And so the rule is when mounting a play

Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay