Survivor's Guilt

Look, lemme show you behind the scene

Behind the glitz and the glamour and all the lights you see

Behind the rumours on the life I lead

Let me talk to the people like it's the mic and me

The truth is I got really bad anxiety

I'm on the motorway crying in the driver's seat

I don't even know where I'm going

I got love, but I don't know how to show it

Is this life?

When you feel like giving up, know you're close

I been saying the least and knowing the most

I've had ups and downs

But the highest of highs never last for as long as the lowest of lows

Survivor's guilt

I feel the worst at my happiest

'Cause I miss all my **** that couldn't be in this life I built

That's the type of shit that only I can feel

Getting me in the mood

My ex has got ivory skin

Which is funny 'cause it's really the elephant in the room

Is that enough to bury me in a tomb?

I fell in love with an Albanian, I know it's mad

We're not together 'cause her family would hold us back

I saw the red flags, I wouldn't want my child to grow in that

Rum and Red Bull, it's a culture clash

I don't wanna let life tear us apart

I see the internet gossip and it wears on my heart

I fuck with her, she was there from the start

I'm seeing 'em laugh at me cah I'm vulnerable

Ain't that the shit that rappers supposed to do?

I'd rather rap about arguing with my girl than fuckin' your girl

But I don't mind becah the both are true

Ignoring my messages

These times I know she on her–

Worst part is I wouldn't even do the same

Hate or love it, you gotta charge it to the game

(Gotta charge it to the)

Heavy is the head, but don't play with my heart

I feel like a footballer when I'm making my art

Through ball how I'm managing the weight of the past

I felt so much pain that I've got favourite scars

And my house got wings like my favourite cars

And the milly rock my favourite dance

You can call it what you want it, but I got it off of taking a chance

I didn't take an advance

Fame comes with a price, you can't pay in advance

For six long years I've been playing my part

Like a freak in the circus when they're making him dance

I got nights where it's light and I got days where it's dark

And the waters that I swim in it ain't safe for the sharks

He a gangster, but the stress gonna take him apart

I'm with the **** that I claimed from the start

I see you **** changing

They didn't make it

It's a shame it takes falling to your death

For a person to appreciate fully the gravity of the situation

But that's just irony at its finest

Black women, I just wanna say I'm sorry

I done a lot of dumb shit, I won't lie to you

I wanna be a voice for you, be a light for you

I know I haven't done enough, I wanna try for you

Wanna be on the front line for you

Campaign for you

Make change for you

I just wanna help in any way

Being genuine, I think about it every day

Tour life, traveling every day

Nerves paralysing when you get to stage

You feel love for an hour and then it gets to fade

Imagine what that does to your mental state

Imagine being a millionaire at a tender age

You don't even know whether to spend or save

My mum had to grow up fast, she expects the same

I was 20 with a mortgage and rent to pay

So what's happening?

I got guerrillas all around me, allow me

Don't get grabbed in a party or lack in it

You'll die for a wine like Joffrey Baratheon

Pattern 'em

The government ain't gonna help with all the issues that I'm tackling

The way you talk about politics is baffling

I wouldn't even trust my own shadow in a cabinet

Cabbin' it, can't drive no more

I've been looking for the answers, sure that I'll find 'em

I don't judge an accent, but the story behind it

We all know loss, but there's glory behind it

I'ma make a film for my mum and tell her tale to the world

This album it's just the soundtrack

Look at her story and a year in her life

And tell me if It doesn't bring a fuckin' tear to your eyes

In this together

I thought wishin' wouldn't hurt, but take it over

I'm done holdin' at your lies

So knowin' that it weren't for any one thing

You know you love fast and I know you want to stay

In the clouds, my head's sippin' up

Let the other try, said I don't wanna try

I thought wishin' wouldn't hurt, but take it over

I'm done holdin' at your lies

So knowin' that it weren't for any one thing