Lesley (feat. Ruelle)

Look, they say the universe, it works in a strange way

And it must be true

Because we ain't from the same background or the same place

But me and Lesley ended up on that same train

I'm talkin' every day

I used to wake up around seven or eight

To catch the 9:06 from Norbury station

Two different worlds in the same location and

One day we ended up speaking

And I would talk about college, she would talk about meetings

And how she's plannin' on leavin'

How she hates what she does, but she needs it

I asked her what she would do when it's the weekend

And she said, she said

"I don't know myself

I don't know myself no more"

She used to be the life of the party, for true

And now she goin' out hardly ever

Her man got her in the yard forever

And her friends wanna help, but it's hard to tell her

Hard to let her know that her man's possessive and aggressive

And she can't even see it

But for them it's clear as day she's in a situation

Her friend Hannah had a man that was manipulative

So she can see it from a mile off

Turtle-neck jumpers, make-up around the eye spots

All the signs were there

But Lesley made it seem a light affair

Said it wasn't right to share

Her boyfriend, he was a mystery man

I didn't know much about him, but he's been in the can

Name's Jason, he's a bad boy with no reasonin'

To be honest, I don't know what Les sees in him

'Cause she's a good girl with a sweet heart

But they both got demons in the deep past

You know opposites attract, apparently

Never heard her talk about her family ever, uh-uh

He was all that she had

Until they had an argument and he stopped callin' her back

And I don't know if there was more to the story than that

'Cause she plays things down, but according to that

He went missing one day, in the morning, he ran

She's doin' overtime, struggling affordin' a flat

Till she lost her job, it fucked all of her plans

Couldn't pay the rent

Borrowin' and callin' for cash

But Hannah, she was there for her

Cared for her

When I saw Les, she told me

"I don't know myself

I don't know myself no more"

Les sayin' "I got nothin' to live for

It's been raw, but, David, I ain't ever been this poor

There's no income, my boyfriend left me

So how the fuck am I gonna survive when this kid's born?"

And I said, "It's a blessing, as mad as it is

And, Les, I never even knew that you were havin' a kid"

Bro, she's four months pregnant

Young and neglected

Single, but I don't think she wants to accept it

So she's still textin' exes

Tryna get this back on track

But I don't think that she gets it

It's emotional obsession

Clinical depression

"Life is a lesson

And you ain't gotta sit and cry

'Cause, Lesley, livin' in this gift called Life

There's no better gift than the gift of life

So, can you handle it?"

"I don't know myself

I don't know myself no more"

But that changed her perspective

Late in December, her baby's expected to drop

She's accepted, excited, electric, pumped

Only gotta wait a few months

Her and Hannah had lunch

Told her she's pregnant

And they're the closest of bredren

So she didn't stunt to tell her

I think that's it's an error

You ain't a mum for a day, you're a mum forever

Whatever, and you and Jason break up whenever

If I'm honest, that's something you shoulda done together

She doesn't know that her and Jason goin' out again

And Jason doesn't know that Lesley's carrying a child for them

She had daydreams of settlin' down with Jason

Better 'cause now they're together it's wild

Feelin' like she needs to call her friends and tell 'em

'Cause while she's lettin' 'em down

But most of them are never around

She calls Hannah the next day

Still tryna figure out the best way

To tell her that she's gettin' back together with an ex flame

So she left her a voicemail

Like "Yo, Hannah, it's Les, can you call me back?

I wanna talk about the baby, you, me, Jason, all of that

I been feelin' like I need to get my aura back

I used to be so fuckin' confident

But these days, I swear that

I don't know myself

I don't know myself no more"

It's 3:30

Lesley was meant to get a scan

But today I think she's goin' home early

Tryna talk to Jason, tell him 'bout the kid

Addressing any reservations

Have that conversation

Middle of the summer and it's rainin'

Waitin' at the train station

Hella cancellations, so she gets a taxi

Sittin' in the back seat

Blue jean jacket and a maxi

Actually tired and her legs are achin'

Touched her destination

Way faster that the cab driver's estimation

She put the key in the door

She couldn't believe what she see on the floor

Some size-five trainers

Ragin', tears in her eyes, but it's cool

Cah they must be the neighbour's

And Jason's in the bedroom, fully naked

Lesley runnin' up the stairs but she's makin' noise

And she can hear Jason's voice sayin'

"Hide in the closet"

But he's made his choice

So she bursts in

Sayin', "What kind of person

Would cheat on his pregnant girlfriend?"

Jason sayin', "What the fuck? You're pregnant?

What the fuck? You weren't even gonna tell me

I mean, what the fuck

What d'you want from us?

Nah, you ain't in love

You just wanna love"

Lesley tellin' Jason, "I don't wanna love

I don't want a you-and-I, I don't want a us

And also, I don't wanna talk loads

One more line before I dash like Morse code

Open the wardrobe"

And Jason's on the edge

"I just wanna see if she was prettier than me

Slimmer than me

Maybe your baby's similar to me

Maybe you wanted someone thicker than me

Fitter than me

To satisfy you quicker than me

I got your baby in my stomach and you did this to me

What did I ever do to you for you to finish with me?

I didn't believe my girls, but they were thinkin' of me

And give it to me, the wardrobe, give me the key"

I was pullin' at the door, but Jason's bigger than me

Literally, I remember viscerally

Jason pullin' from behind me, now he's grippin' on me

White flashes, eye gashes when he's hittin' me, see

I just wanted to disappear, I wasn't livin' for me

Physically, I shut the fuckin' doors, quick as could be

He's outside, askin' why I made him do what he did

Using a kick to open up the room that I'm in

I'm feelin' afraid, barricaded with a chair in the handle

I'm hearin' sirens, I just wanna run away, but I can't

Jason's gone by the time police have come

And they saw that there ain't no one else in the house

And feds are runnin' through the door, shoutin'

"We have reports of an argument with a woman"

There's blood all over the floor

And it's splattered onto the wall

Lesley's on the bed and she's tryna speak to the feds

She's deep in the stress and there's metres above her head

If anything

She couldn't even say anything

But she's got this really sharp pain where her belly is

So they call an ambulance

Lesley didn't plan for this

Police are in the room tryna find the missing piece of the puzzle

Until they stumble on somethin' that's kinda random

It's a phone

In the wardrobe

It had five missed phone calls from Jason

And also a couple other numbers

So they're thinkin' that it's no help

Until they play the voicemail

Like "Yo, Hannah, it's Les

Can you call me back?

I wanna talk about the baby, you, me, Jason, all of that

I been feelin' like I need to get my aura back

I used to be so fuckin' confident

But these days, I swear that

I don't know myself

I don't know myself no more"

She felt sick to her stomach, she started panickin'

Mind rattlin'

Tryna understand what Hannah did

Battlin' the shame cah the situation embarrassin'

She's tryna fathom it

Betrayed by her own garrison

Meanwhile, she's on the deck

Tryna manage this piercing pain in her stomach

She couldn't handle it

Now she's waiting for an ambulance

Look

And I know she's strong

But when I heard about what happened, I was overshocked

Her nose was gone, her jawline shattered and rot

They said her baby was the reason she was holdin' on

She's dozing off

Doctors gettin' no response

Her heart rate's slowin' down and they don't know what's wrong

Picked her up, got her out of the home

And on to the stretcher for good measure

But she's fading out

Uh, she took damage to the brain

And now she's in a coma as we speak

But I ain't sure if she can make it out

You see, this time that I'm takin' out to tell you the story

Is more than a song or track

It's a message to a woman with a toxic man

I'm beggin' you to get support if you're lost or trapped

I understand that I can never understand

And I ain't sayin' that it's easy, but it must be right

Some of your sisters, aunties, mums or wives are fucked inside

And they won't ever touch on why

I'm touched, 'cause I've seen women that are loved or liked

Cry a little red tear through a bloodshot eye

This shit's awful

No matter what culture, it ain't normal

Men try and twist it and make it seem like it's your fault

In that train full of people that you're takin'

How many Lesleys are runnin' from their Jasons?

Angel without wings

Like the day without the night

To bring her peace

A song without a voice

A spark without a flame

A child without a name

Oh it's just wrong

Like an ocean without a shore

A soldier without a war

How can we do this anymore?

A song without a voice

A spark without a flame

A child without a name

Oh it's just wrong

Well, we've made a massive amount of progress in this last year

Haven't we?

Feels like a long journey

And I must say it's been a pleasure

To watch you mature and grow

In thought and in your career and life

You've opened up immensely

I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't miss these sessions

But you know, you can never stop learning about yourself

So you're always welcome

I'm just happy you're at a place now

Where you feel you understand your emotions

And are in control