Hieeee

Greetings

My name's yours

What's Alaska?

Everybody, welcome to the show

The rules of engagement are really quite simple

So if you can pull yourself away from Grindr for two seconds

Listen up

The use of flash photography is strictly mandatory

Do you think I look like this

Just so I can exist in your feeble memory? Ha

Take a picture and I'll last forever

Get your drinks now, people

The more you drink, the prettier we look

Is this your boyfriend, honey?

Not anymore

Tipping is compulsory

If you don't know what compulsory means, I'll spell it out for you

Tip these men

It takes a lot of money to look this cheap, darling

Be kind to your entertainers

If you see a flaw, squint

If you see a bulge, don't be mad

Some of the most beautiful women in the world have gigantic penises

If you see something you don't like

Something unseemly or offensive

Something vile or disgusting

We'll be happy to take your complaints after the show

At the corner of fuck you and go fuck yourself avenue dot com

I'll see you there

Bring a sweater

If you think you can do better, sweetheart, I implore you

Put on a wig and mash your mouth around

To other people's music for four and a half minutes

It's not as easy as it looks

Do you need a hairpiece?

Here, you can borrow mine

Show generosity to these monstrosities

Respect, kindness, compassion

And most of all, whenever possible

Tell us we look gorgeous

Tell us we look gorgeous

Tell me I look gorgeous

Do I look gorgeous?

(Yeah)

Okay, but how about sexy?

(Yeah)

Okay, alright, but how about sensual?

(Yeah)

Alright, but how about breathtaking? Jeez

(Yeah)

I swear it's like pulling teeth to get a little tiny compliment

Out of you people

Now let's review, everybody

Your makeup is terrible

If you're not wearing nails, you're not doing drag

Don't ever touch my hair

Anus, I love your pussy

Give me all your money, absolutely

Come on nature, come on natch

Come on build up, oh

Hi

Hi

What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what

Hi

Everybody everywhere, everybody everywhere

Hi

Hi, hi, hi-hi-hi-hi-hi