Blackout

Yeah

I was a nice kid, grew up with a family, and like them

Always had some food on my plate, and a place to bite in

But all a sudden it's like a switch flipped

Inside my head tellin' me I don't deserve shit

Man, I would wake up, and then I purge into the mirror

Pick apart the imperfections on the person who'd appear

'Cause I don't love myself, or the way that I looked

I was a little fat, and hated all that weight on my foot

All that weight on my shoulders, every day just depressed

Every day gettin' older, and every day feelin' less

My homie's like, "I can tell you got some shit on your chest

My mama drinks a little bit and said it eases the stress"

And I'm like, "Ight"

We walked to his crib and we stole the bottle

I started feelin' nervous, but drank it, then felt hollow

He dapped me up and said, "My mom's about to be back

But there's some more inside the liquor cabinet we could drink tomorrow"

I'm like, "Yeah, yeah, homie, don't worry, it's cool

I gotta go to bed early, so I wake up for school

But after that, we gonna dabble in the greatness of booze."

Then boom, I blacked out, I didn't wake up till noon

Alarm ringin' the bell, my mom's ringin' my cell

She's pissed off 'cause she heard that I've been drinkin' myself

But she don't understand that deep inside I'm drinkin' for help

I said "Fuck it, I'm leavin', I don't need you to yell"

I packed my bags up then crashed with a couple of friends

Couple months have went by, and still the buzzin' won't end

I think I'm more sad now then I ever have been

I need some stronger medication, so I called up a friend

I said, "Listen homie, all that drinkin' shit ain't workin', man

Gimme somethin' else, he like, "Chill, I got the percocets

I'm gettin' more tomorrow, if you like it, you can buy the next"

I said, "Deal," met in person, and I tried the shit

Within the hour I'm lovin' the new thrill

Hit my friend back and said, "Could you cut me a new deal?

I need all of the blue pills, the shit is just too ill"

I'm confused 'cause his mood was prudent and too thrilled

He was happy, that I been strugglin' lots

'Cause he knew that in the endin' it could double his guap

Where my struggle would begin, then his struggle would stop

But I still bought all of his product when we linked at his spot

So fast forward a few weeks, I'm addicted to drugs

Somehow my mama found out and pulled me back from the thugs

Moved me back into her crib and tried to show me her love

But I was numb and only interested in gettin' a buzz

And it's fucked up 'cause she was only tryna be nice

I didn't listen, shit, I left and I stayed out for the night

Man I went clubbin' wit' my homies that were down for the lines

Then went home the next day to make a mountain of lies

Shit, I woke up around 3, heard a knock at the door

Then these voices started talkin', shit I heard 'em before

I couldn't put my finger on it, so I had to explore

But on the table was the bottle that I left in my drawer

Shit

My mom found it, turned around to see the family

They all lookin' down at me and they ain't lookin' happily

That's when I realized what the fuck this is

Y'all are here to try to take away my substances

My mom reached forward, then grabbed the bottle off the countertop

She looked at me and said, "CHVSE, this has to stop"

I lashed out and said, "It stops when I decide it will"

I grabbed the bottle from her hand, do not deny the pills

And I ran up to my room

Grabbed the gun that I had hidden and a couple of blues

Crushed the tablets on the table, hit a couple of snoots

And put the clip inside the gun, load it back and then

I see my family walkin' up to me

I wish that I could say, "I'm sorry for this fuckery

I never meant to hurt you, but I was hurt and had to fuckin' leave"

It's almost like they heard me fuckin' say it 'cause they huggin' me

Oh, Mama, you can't shake me awake

Stop trying, I'm gone, let it enter your brain

Your heart's gonna break, had every fuckin' thought on my face

But let you learn from my lesson, so you don't make the mistake

Just tell my story, and let them know that I'm sorry

I used to love the thought of death, but now The Reaper's upon me

And shit I'm scared, save me Mom, I'm passin' away

I wish I didn't put that bullet through the back of my brain