The Ballad of Farquaad

My daddy was a miner so he wasn't much around

Foraging for diamonds, a life spent underground

Daddy didn't talk much he barely said hello

He simply muttered heigh ho, and off to work he'd go

Daddy was grumpy, my momma was a princess

Who left her crown behind

Daddy was her true love, so momma didn't mind

I never knew my momma but she could've been a queen

She married way beneath her, beneath her knee I mean

Oh, daddy's bed was lumpy so mommy couldn't sleep

Daddy built a new one, so tall and so steep

Twenty five mattresses she slept upon

On night she rolled over and momma was gone

So daddy was grumpy, me and my old man

A tale as old as dirt, a bitter, distant father in a tiny undershirt

Daddy up and left me, left me good as dead

Now he lives in squalor, sleeping seven to a bed

Oh, if you could only see me now

Daddy, I'd invite you to the wedding

But you have to be this tall to get in

My bride to be is gorgeous, her wedding dress designer

The guest list will be major without a minor miner

Packs of royal lackeys playing violin strings of royal underlings

Who will not let you in

Tricked out carriage, twenty stallions

With the coachman named Raoul

Big reception with a boyband

And a royal DJ by the pool

Yes, I can see my future and so it shall be done

It's total domination with some torture just for fun

'Cause I will have my wedding and I will have a queen

And once I get that crown on, you will get the guillotine

And I'll punish you, daddy, 'cause I'm all grown up

And bigger than you'll ever know

You're gonna pay daddy, it's any day, daddy

I'm off to work, heigh ho