Dentist!

When I was young and just a bad little kid

My mama noticed funny things I did

Like shootin' puppies with a BB gun

I'd poison guppies, and when I was done

I'd find a pussy cat and bash its head

That's when my mama said

What did she say?

She said "My boy, I think someday

You'll find a way

To make your natural tendencies pay"

You'll be a dentist (You'll be a dentist)

You have a talent for causing things pain (Pain)

Son, be a dentist (Son, be a dentist)

People will pay you to be inhumane (Inhumane)

Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood

And teaching would suit you still less

Son, be a dentist

You'll be a success

Here he is, folks, the leader of the plaque

Watch him suck up that gas, oh my God

He's a dentist, and he'll never ever be any good

Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis de Sade?

That hurts, wait, I'm not numb

Eh, shut up, open wide, here I come

I am your dentist (Goodness gracious)

And I enjoy the career that I picked (Love it)

I am your dentist (Fitting braces)

And I get off on the pain I inflict (Really love it)

I thrill when I drill a bicuspid (Ooh, bicuspid)

It's swell, though they tell me I'm maladjusted (Dentist)

And though it may cause my patients distress (Distress)

Somewhere, somewhere in Heaven above me

I know, I know that my mama's proud of me

Oh, mama

'Cause I'm a dentist

And a success

Say, "Ah!" (Ah)

Say, "Ah!" (Ah)

Say, "Ah!" (Ah)

Now spit!