I Almost Had a Weakness

Thank you for the flowers I threw them on the fire And I burned the photographs that you had enclosed GOD they were ugly children So you're the little bastard of that brother of mine Trying to trick a poor old woman 'Til I almost had a weakness Last week Cousin Florence Bit your Uncle Joe Hit him on the forehead with a knife and a fork (She) said that he looked like the devil Then she said... "pass the vinegar," I'm beginning to think (That) I'm the only one who hasn't taken to the drinking of it Though I almost had a weakness It pains me to mention These delicate concerns While I have to tolerate you family jewels I really mustn't grumble ('Cause) when I die the cats and dogs will jump up and down And you little swines will get nothing Though I almost had a weakness