I Quit, For Now

Now that I'm alone with my grief

Let me savor my tears

So they can run freely

And I can be released from surrendering to your every move

But how do I let go of something that became systematic?

Something

Not someone

I never got to have you

Just the idea of you

My obsessive imagination often takes me to realms of fantasy

So out of touch with reality

That somehow letting go isn't as painful

With you, though

The lands are far

My spirit levitates into a yielding trance

Navigating through different versions of this allegorical narrative

Yet my feelings have never been so real

So excruciatingly real

In this deteriorating convolution

I am aware

As inundated as I am

I can still feel the ground under my feet

But I still seek you

Even though I know your quests are elsewhere

How do I cease pursuit and concede defeat,

When there is an almost scientific belief that you are the singular human being that has

been able to penetrate this fortress?The one who made me breathe the rarest air

Who made me see colors unbelonging to the spectrum

Who made me see the world through the lens of the unknown

And be unusually willing to accept uncertainty

I'm mainly writing this because I need to detach my breathing from your existence

Even when microscopic signs of hope still burn inside of me

Devoting my life to waiting isn't fair

Even though sometimes I find myself enthusiastically inclined to live in resignation

These feelings

These sweeping feelings

Will hibernate

Until you're ready to wake them up again