Keith

Keith.

There's a man at the Oakleigh TAB

Shaved head, tatted up, bout 6 foot 3

He was our neighbour when we lived on Hotham St

And though we never got his name, we called him Keith

Keith had white Volkswagen Amorok that he parked out front his house

With a steel two wheeler trailer that he liked to tow around

One day a a mate was coming round and parked out the street

And little did we know we had just started World War Three

Little did we know we had just started World War Three

The bloke was seething

He was enraged

Knocked on our door

Like a dog in cage

We opened up

His face was red

Took of his speedies

And he said

Don't fuck with my trailer cunt

Don't park in my spot

It's the second time this week and I'm about to lose the plot

I phoned up the council and the bloke said it was mine

Move your shit heap of a car to the other fucking side

*KEITH*

It was a Sunday afternoon in early spring

The family cross the road had a gathehering

A pregnant woman pulled up in a CR-V

Spotted park and said we'll, thats for me

Well wouldn't you know that very moment around the corner came Keith

He pulled his Ute up next to her and he said quite cordially

G'day love, that's my house - so you'll have to park elsewhere

She said

Surely you could just as easily park it over there?

Surely you could just as easily park it over there?

And from our porch

We watched the scene

As something snapped

The man turned green

He pointed his finger

And he said it clear

Opened up his lungs for the world to hear

Don't fuck with my trailer cunt

Don't park in my spot

It's the second time this week and I'm about to lose the plot

I phoned up the council and the bloke said it was mine

Move your shit heap of a car to the other fucking side

*KEITH*

It was Tuesday afternoon we last saw Keith

The A Current Crew came rolling down the street

He heard a knock and opened up his door

Shocked and perplexed

Tracy Grimshaw?

She held the mic

Right up to his face

Called him out for everything

And said you're a disgrace

But Keith wasn't listening

His eyes were locked dead pan

Staring at the camera crew

And where they parked the van

He said

Don't fuck with my trailer cunt

Don't park in my spot (Keith, no)

It's the second time this week and I'm about to lose the plot (Don't do it)

I phoned up the council and the bloke said it was mine

Move your shit heap of a car to the other fucking side (KEITH, NO)

*KEITH*

Keith!