Luigi's Ballad

Princess Peach, won't you listen to my speech?

I don't have any stars of invincibility

But you're the brightest star in the sky tonight for me

I'm your Luigi

What up, bitch? I got a 1UP, bitch

What's inside that Question Block? It's my dick

It's-a-me-a-Mario, I'm more Italian than pastrami

I'll take you by the peaches and give you the hot salami

I saved you from dragons and evil Boos that are spooky

Must I be a raccoon to get inside your Tanooki?

I will mount you like Yoshi and show you things you're never seen

My mushroom's now mega if you know what I mean

So suck it

Mario, you always do this shit, I like a girl and then you ruin it

By yelling stuff about your dick until they go away

Hey Luigi, it's okay, that Mario's a bit risqué

Just tell me what you need to say, please don't be afraid

Oh, Princess, it means so much for me to hear you say that

The only thing I've ever wanted to tell you is that

Goddamn it, I'm here to pleasure that ass

I'd like to go first, Princess, but I always come last

And you say we'll get together, but I'm jackin' off alone

Koopa Troopa skeletons aren't the only Dry Bones

I am tired of your run-around, it's such a fuckin' hassle

I go through shit and then you're in another fuckin' castle

You gotta think about it? Well, I don't believe the hype

You'll have a lot of time to think when you are smokin' on my Warp Pipe

OMG, I can't decide on which of you should be the guy

To take me on your mustache ride that'll redefine my life

I'm ready to give love a shot

It's not about how many coins you've got

I just know I like you a lot

Yo sluts, check out my yacht

Let me take you on a magic kart ride

I'll bust all yo' balloons when I smack your backside

We'll have some fun, I'll bring my friends along

I'll kick that Donkey Kong right in his konkey dong

Come on, Peach, it's time to make your choice

I'm the only plumber that can make your boobies rejoice

Green lanky-ass brother ain't got shit on me

It's time to live out our story of the Princess and the pea (nis)

So, who's it gonna be, Princess?

I choose Toad

TOAD?

Well, his whole body's shaped like a dick

Oh, yeah, okay, definitely