The Diagnosis (Genshin Impact Fan Musical)

"That's why rooming with Alhaitham is the worst."

"Oh, and another thing."

"He's been wearing my limited edition weasel house slippers!"

"Kaveh, stop complaining about Alhaitham."

"Besides, why would he wear your slippers?"

"He's so much richer than you."

"If he wanted, he could buy thousand of them."

"On top of everything else, I think I'm getting sick..."

"At the mention of Alhaitham maybe"

"Kaveh, as a Forest Watcher, I've seen my share of ailments."

"If you'd like, with Cyno's help, I can diagnose you"

"Do you think this is serious?"

"Tell me what you see"

Cheeks are sunken

Like an old man's as he dies (What?)

And from the bulging of your eyes

You got the most severe of cases

(That's just how my face is!)

Posture's shrunken

Nausea is your new routine

It's up to us to intervene

And shed a light on what your symptoms mean

All the indicators tell us

You're jealous (Huh?)

It's safe to say Alhaitham's great renown

In Teyvat brings you down

They tell us

You're jealous

You're diagnosed

Let's toast to nature's law

Your symptoms have a cause

"This is crazy!"

"What makes you think I'm jealous of Alhaitham?"

It's his look

It's his vibe

It's his status as a scribe

Bet you nag him like a spouse

Because you can't afford his house (Hey!)

It's the "clap, clap, clap" he got as Acting Grand Sage

Do you "snap, snap, snap" because his youth remind you of your age?

Turn the page!

It could be the fact that you want his wage

Since you're always short of Mora

(You know, debt like I know flora)

For a second just reflect

And respect our intellect

Our theory isn't off-the-cuff it's obvious

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH"

Fellas, he's jealous (C'mon)

No wonder why if I was broke as you

I'd feel pathetic too

As clues accrue

They tell us

You're jealous

You're diagnosed!

Let's toast to nature's law

Your symptoms have a cause

You've been in denial a while

But it'd be best if you confess the way you really feel

You'd share it

We'd hear it

Your spirit would soar

There's no need to conceal

What could help you to heal

So tell us, you're jealous

We're zealous

'Cause we've been there before

You'd share it

We'd hear it

Your spirit would soar

(Tell us, you're jealous)

The truth is a useful tool

(Tell us, you're jealous)

Let's move on, so we can duel

(Tell us, you're jealous)

You don't have to play pretend

(Tell us, you're jealous)

Or this song will never end!

I'm jealous!

I knew it!

Alhaitham!!