Mother I Sober (feat. Beth Gibbons)

I'm sensitive, I feel everything, I feel everybody

One man standing on two words, heal everybody

Transformation then reciprocation, karma must return

Heal myself, secrets that I hide, buried in these words

Death threats, ego must die, but I let it purge

Pacify broken pieces of me, it was all a blur

Mother cried, put they hands on her, it was family ties

I heard it all, I shoulda grabbed a gun, but I was only five

I still feel it, weighing on my heart, my first tough decision

In the shadows clinging to my soul as my only critic

Where's my faith? Told you I was Christian, but just not today

I transformed, praying to the trees, God is taken shape

My mother's mother followed me for years in her afterlife

Staring at me on back of some buses, I wake up at night

Loved her dearly, traded in my tears for a Range Rover

Transformation, you ain't felt grief till you felt it sober

I wish I was somebody

Anybody but myself

Ooh, I wish I was somebody

Anybody but myself

I remember looking in the mirror knowing I was gifted

Only child, me for seven years, everything for Christmas

Family ties, they accused my cousin, "Did he touch you, Kendrick?"

Never lied, but no one believed me when I said, "He didn't"

Frozen moments, still holding on it, hard to trust myself

I started rhyming, coping mechanisms to lift up myself

Talk to my lawyer, told me not to be so hard on myself

He has an aura I hope to achieve, if I find some help

Congratulations, made it to be famous, still I feel uneasy

Water watching, live my life in nature, only thing relieves me

Spirit guide, whisper in my ear, tell me that she sees me

"Did he touch you?" I said, "No" again, still, they didn't believe me

Mother's brother said he got revenge for my mother's face

Black and blue, the image of my queen that I can't erase

Till this day can't look her in the eyes, pain is taking over

Blame myself, you never felt guilt till you felt it sober

I wish I was somebody

Anybody but myself

Ooh, I wish I was somebody

Anybody but myself

I was never high, I was never drunk, never out my mind

I need control, they handed me some smoke, but still, I declined

I did it sober, sitting with myself, I went through all emotions

No dependents, except for one, let me bring you closer

Intoxicated, there's a lustful nature that I failed to mention

Insecurities that I project, sleeping with other women

Whitney's hurt, the purest soul I know, I found her in the kitchen

Asking God "Where did I lose myself? And can it be forgiven?"

Broke me down, she looked me in my eyes, "Is there an addiction?"

I said, "No," but this time I lied, I knew that I can't fix it

Pure soul, even in her pain, know she cared for me

Gave me a number, said she recommended some therapy

I asked my momma why she didn't believe me when I told her "No"

I never knew she was violated in Chicago

I'm sympathetic, told me that she feared it happened to me

For my protection, though it never happened, she wouldn't agree

Now I'm affected, twenty years later, trauma has resurfaced

Amplified as I write this song, I shiver 'cause I'm nervous

I was five questioning myself, 'lone for many years

Nothing's wrong, just results on how them questions made me feel

I made it home, seven years of tour, chasing manhood

But Whitney's gone, by time you hear this song, she did all she could

All those women gave me superpowers, what I thought I lacked

I pray our children don't inherit me and feelings I attract

A conversation not being addressed in black families

The devastation haunting generations and humanity

They raped our mothers, then they raped our sisters, then they made us watch

Then made us rape each other, psychotic torture between our lives

We ain't recovered, still living as victims in the public eyes

Who pledge allegiance, every other brother has been compromised

I know the secrets, every other rapper sexually abused

I see them daily burying they pain in chains and tattoos

So listen close before you start to pass judgement on how we move

Learn how we cope, whenever his uncle had to walk him from school

His anger grows, deep in misogyny, this is post traumatic

Black families and a sodomy today is still active

So I set free myself from all the guilt that I thought I made

So I set free my mother, all the hurt that she titled shame

So I set free my cousin, chaotic for my mother's pain

I hope Hakeem made you proud 'cause you ain't die in vain

So I set free the power of Whitney, may she heal us all

So I set free our children, may good karma keep them with God

So I set free the hearts filled with hatred, keep our bodies sacred

As I set free all you abusers, this is transformation

I wish I was somebody

Anybody but myself

Ooh, I wish I was somebody

Anybody but myself

You did it

I'm proud of you

You broke a generational curse

Say, "Thank you, Dad"

Thank you, daddy, thank you, mommy

Thank you, brother

Mr. Morale

Before I go and fast asleep, love me for me

I bare my soul and now we're free