The Scotsman

I love the story about the Irish man and Scotsman walkin' to a pub together And the Scotsman yells out, "Drinks for the host, on me" The followin' day, the headlines in the newspaper read, "Irish ventriloquist found beaten to death behind pub" Did you know that the limbo dance was invented by a Scotsman tryin' to get into a paid toilet for nothin'? Okay, you know what to do here, don't ya? At the end of every line, clap your hands twice, like this Oh, a Scotsman dressed all in his kilt left a bar one evenin' fair You could tell by the way he walked that he'd drunk more than his share He staggered 'round until he could no longer keep his feet Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street Ring-ding-diddle-iddle-I-dee-O, ring-di-diddley-I-O He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street Now about that time two young and lovely girls were passin' by One said to the other with a twinkle in her eye See yon sleepin' Scotsman, so strong and handsome built? I wonder if it's true that he wears nothin' 'neath his kilt?" Ring-ding-diddle-iddle-I-dee-O, ring-di-diddley-I-O I wonder if it's true that he wears nothin' 'neath his kilt?" So they crept up on this sleepin' Scotsman, quiet as could be And lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see Lo and behold for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt Was nothin' more than God had graced him with upon his birth Ring-ding-diddle-iddle-I-dee-O, ring-di-diddley-I-O Was nothin' more than God had graced him with upon his birth They marveled for a minute, then they said, "We must be gone Let's leave him a souvenir before we travel on" As a gift, they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow Around the bonny star the Scotsman's kilt did lift and show Ring-ding-diddle-iddle-I-dee-O, ring-di-diddley-I-O Around the bonny star the Scotsman's kilt did lift and show Now the Scotsman rose to nature's call and headed for the trees He lifted up his kilt, and then he gawks at what he sees And in his drunken voice he says to what's before his eyes "Oh lad, I don't know where you've been, but I see you won first prize" Ring-ding-diddle-iddle-I-dee-O, ring-di-diddley-I-O "Oh lad, I don't know where you've been, but I see you won first prize" Our Scottish friend still dressed in kilt continued down the street He hadn't gone ten yards or more when a girl he chanced to meet She said, "I've heard what's under there, tell me, is it so?" He said, "Just slip your hand up, miss, if you'd really like to know" Ring-ding-diddle-iddle-I-dee-O, ring-di-diddley-I-O He said, "Just slip your hand up, miss, if you'd really like to know" She put her hand right up his kilt and much to her surprise The Scotsman smiled, and a very strange look came into his eyes She cried, "Why sir, that's gruesome", and then she heard him roar "If you put your hand up once again, you'll find it's grew some more" Ring-ding-diddle-iddle-I-dee-O, ring-di-diddley-I-O "If you put your hand up once again, you'll find it's grew some more" Thank you