This Hollow Ache

Alone within my thoughts

Reflecting on all I've said and done

Never once have I felt satisfied

Never again will I even try

Anger, frustration, emotions flare and seethe

Hands are shaking, filled with rage

Betrayal from loved ones

Real or fiction, wound the same

These feelings and this thinking

Though unwarranted, undeserved

Lead to a place familiar (Back to my well of pain)

As the initial shock of the pain fades away

These cuts, these punctures, these bruises

Dissolve to a hollow ache

And the cycle continues

The finger's pointed, but the blame remains

Digging deeper within me just causes the world itself to fade

Colors draining (My eyes go cold and gray)

As I withdraw within (The ground beneath me starts to sink)

As I am moving forward, led deep into the garden

Led to a place familiar (Back to my well of pain)

I know this place and why I'm here all too well

Guilt and shame, the center of the issues at hand

The center and the source of my hollow ache

And self-pity, it beckons

Despite all I do, it won't take away

The more that I rationalize these thoughts

The more they seem to inflame

And the cycle continues

The finger's pointed, but the blame remains

Digging deeper within me just causes the world itself to fade

The cycle of dwelling, it, it repeats, it replays

My hatred of my own mind upcycles and unravels

Self-hatred and self-loathing have become second nature

I'm learning to accept now that this is good for no one

Break wide open

Resolve to rid those who've been inflicted with me

Of this plague, out of shame

And self-pity, it beckons

Despite all I do, it won't take away

The more I rationalize these thoughts

The more they seem to inflame

And the cycle continues

The finger's pointed, but the blame remains

Digging deeper within me just causes the world itself to fade

And the world opened up and I gazed into blackness

And I looked all around me (And saw nothing but gray)

I looked into myself and found I matched the darkness

Without another thought (I dove into my well of pain)