The Ru

That's why I drive whenever possible. I've got a 2006 Subaru Outback. Yeah, man. Been through a lot together with the 'Ru.

Had a recall on the 'Ru recently. Apparently, the passenger side air bag could blow up. Had to take her in for a recall. My 'Ru an I, we've been through a lot. Anyone would've vehicle, you go through a lot. Your vehicle becomes like family. Ever rub the dashboard? Going up the hill in really cold weather. I had my Subaru in minus three degrees. I'm like, "You got this, girl. You got this". I feel like it matters. It's like rubbing a horse's neck.

I go in for the recall. I've never done that before. I walk in and they go, "No problem sir. We'll take your car. It'll take about an hour and a half. You just sit tight and have some coffee, and we'll let you know when it's done".

No sooner do I sit down, attractive lady who works for Subaru comes walking up with a clipboard. She goes, "I just want you to know we did a quick evaluation of your vehicle and this is what it's currently worth". You know, which is nothing. Devastating to hear. Like, I didn't ask for this information.

And she goes, "If you want, we could take this and put it towards a new vehicle, and you could be driving out with one of these beauties in less than a half hour". Now this is all happening so fast and it's so insensitive. That's my vehicle. Looking at it through the window with the dash and coming apart. I'm telling you, man, I'm only bringing it up, because it's happening with cars. Before you know, it's going to be happening with us, as humans.

Man, you could be in there, getting a quadruple bypass. Nurses going to come out, go up to your wife, "Listen, before we cut this war horse open, just wanted to let you know, we've got three men in their early thirties on the other side of the wall here, dying to take you out for a steak dinner".

I go Valvoline. That's my oil people. I go to Valvoline. Valvoline, they bring the dipstick into the waiting room to show you that they filled up your oil. Oh, how nice is that? I'm literally on the phone to my wife, he comes walking in. I'm like, "Yeah, what do you say?" I'm like, "Oh, hold on baby. He's showing me the dipstick".

"Mr Correale, I just want to show you, we filled it all the way up, right there". I'm like, "Beautiful man. Thank you very much".

I know nothing about cars. I think I can walk in and show me it completely dry, going, "I totally drained all the oil out of the car. It's bone dry". I go, "Beautiful, get that oil out of there. Hate that shit".

I was making an appointment with Valvoline recently. They had me on hold and I had it on speaker, and Take it to the Limit, by the Eagles was playing. And my wife comes walking down the stairs, starts babbling right away and I go, "Hold on. They're about to pick up. They're about to pick up".

And she goes, "Oh my God. Why do you think that? Because the song is ending?"

Which is really what I thought. We all do that, yeah? We're on hold and when your song ends, you do. You think they're going to pick up. Which is bizarre. Because that means I think there's a guy in Valvoline, hovering over the phone, listening to the Eagles song, going, "One more time...Valvoline".