Don't Be a Lawyer (feat. Burl Moseley)

Twenty years old, pretty smart kid

Didn't know what I wanted to do

So I took the LSAT and then, just like that

Got accepted at Glendale U

Everyone said it was a real safe bet

A prestigious and lucrative vocation

So I set out on a journey to become an attorney

Without a moment's hesitation

But here's some free advice I'm givin'

When it comes to decidin' what to do for a livin'

Don't be a lawyer

Don't do it, quickest way to ruin your life

Don't be a lawyer

Not worth it, it'll leave you dead inside

The job is inherently crappy

That's why you've never met a lawyer who's happy

It's a guaranteed soul destroyer

Don't be a lawyer

Law school debt, daily regret

Is that what you dreamed of as a kid?

Or did you hope one day that you'd find a way

To spend for years working on a

Pharmaceutical company's merger with another pharmaceutical company?

Your only expertise is runnin' up fees

Speakin' leagalese like a dick

But it's not too late to avoid this fate

Find any other job to pick

Sure, your parents might think you're a failure

But no one's ever said, first let's kill all the tailors

Don't be a lawyer

I'm serious, it really, really sucks

Don't be a lawyer

No one you work with looks like Ally McBeal

There are so many other professions

That don't turn you into Jeff Sessions

Just say no to the lawyer employer (No)

Don't be a lawyer

What about human rights law?

No money, no, no money

Environmental law?

No money, even less money

Immigration law?

No money, plus it's a bummer

Okay, but, what if, one day, you make it onto the Supreme Court?

It'd be great to be on the Supreme Court

But you'll never be on the Supreme Court

There's truly no chance of that happenin'

See, don't be a lawyer