I Really Don't Hate Christmas

You see Valentines is torture

And my birthday is a mess

New Years is a lot of noise

And Arbor Day's a pest

Halloween's a horror

But I guess I must confess

That I really don't hate Christmas

You see Flag Day is infernal

April Fools is just a bore

Mardi Gras's a waste

Unless you own a candy store

All these other holidays

I can admit I can abhor

But I really don't hate Christmas

Now it isn't that I like it

At most I feel ambivalence

But should I really just destroy it?

I'll admit that I'm still on the fence

It makes me tense

From the evil scientist community

I'm sure to get ejected

But for Christmas I can't seem to summon any true invective

Because what is there to hate?

I mean it's really so subjective

No, I really don't hate Christmas

I hate puppy dogs and kittens

I hate flowers in the spring

Heck, I even hate the sunshine

And the birdies when they sing

I can work up animosity

For almost anything

Tell me why I don't hate Christmas

So my childhood was atrocious

Christmas never was that bad

You see

So the most that I can muster

Is complete and total apathy

What's wrong with me?

How can I prove that I'm an evil villain worth his salt?

What with a holiday so jolly, I can't even find a fault

If I didn't feel ambiguous

I'd launch a big assault

But I really don't hate Christmas

Ah, what the heck, kick line

No, I really

No, I really don't hate Christmas

I have an intense, burning indifference