Valentine's Day

When the postman don't call on Valentine's Day

And Santa Claus don't come on a Christmas Day

That umbrella won't work on a rainy day

Don't ask me, I already know

When they find you beached on the barrier reef

And the only pleasure treasured is in map relief

The choice is yours, short, saint or thief

Don't ask me, I already know

Yes, they baked your cake in little slices

Kept your eye on rising prices

Wound up winning booby prizes

I'm sure you'd like to think you know what life is

Find destiny through magazines

Liplicking, unzipping, Harpers and Queens

From here to eternity without in-betweens

Don't ask me, I already know

Put your heart on parade and your heart on parole

I hope you find a sucker to buy that mink stole

School for scandal, guess who's enrolled?

So ask me, I already know

When they find you beached on the barrier reef

(All the way with you, all the way to February)

When the postman don't call on Valentine's Day

(You won't let me speak, don't need a dictionary)

When the only pleasure treasured is in map relief

(Every time I say, every time I feel you near me)

When you don't tell the truth, that's the price you pay

(Summer time I see, you are with me)

When I'm shaking a hand, I'm clenching a fist

If you gave me a pound for the moments I missed

And I got dancing lessons for all the lips I shoulda kissed

I'd be a millionaire, I'd be a Fred Astaire