All-American Prophet

You all know the Bible

Is made of Testaments Old and New

You've been told it's just those two parts

Or only one, if you're a Jew

But what if I were to tell you

There's a fresh third part out there?

Which was found by a hip new prophet

Who had a little

Donny Osmond flair

Have you heard of the all-American Prophet?

The blonde-haired, blue-eyed voice of God

He didn't come from the Middle East like those other holy men

No, God's favorite prophet was all-American!

I'm gonna take you back to Biblical times, 1823

An American man named Joe livin' on a farm in the holy land of Rochester, New York

You mean the Mormon prophet Joseph Smith?

That's right, that young man spoke to God

He spoke to God?

And God said, "Joe, people really need to know that the Bible isn't two parts

There's a Part Three to the Bible, Joe

And I, God, have anointed you to dig up this Part Three

That is buried by a tree on the hill in your backyard"

Wow, God says go to your backyard and start digging

That makes perfect sense

Joseph Smith went up on that hill

And dug where he was told

And deep in the ground, Joseph found

Shining plates of gold

What are these golden plates?

Who buried them here, and why?

Then appeared an angel

His name was Moroni

I am Moroni

The all-American angel (All-American)

My people lived here long, long ago (So long ago)

This is the history of my race

Please read the words within

We were Jews who met with Christ

But we were all-American

But don't let anybody see these plates except for you

They are only for you to see

Even if people ask you to show the plates to them, don't

Just copy them onto normal paper

Even though this might make them question if the plates are real or not

This is sort of what God is going for

Joseph took the plates home

And wrote down what he found inside

He turned those plates into a book

Then he rushed into town and cried

Hey, God spoke to me and gave me

This blessed ancient tome

He hath commanded me to publish it

And stick it in every home

Wow! So the Bible is actually a trilogy?

And the Book of Mormon is "Return of the Jedi"?

I'm interested

Now, many people didn't believe

The Prophet Joseph Smith

They thought he'd made up this Part Three

That was buried by a tree on the hill in his backyard

Liar!

But Joe said

This is no lie, I speak to God all the time

And he told me to head west

So I'll take my Part Three, from the hill with the tree

Feel free if you'd like to come along with me

To the promised land

The promised land?

Paradise, on the West Coast

Nothing but fruit and fields, as far as the eye can see

Have you heard of the All-American prophet?

He found a brand new book about Jesus Christ

We're following him to paradise

We call ourselves Mormon

And our new religion is all-American

Wow! How much does it cost?

The Mormons kept on searching for that place to settle down

But every time they thought they'd found it, they got kicked out of town

And even though people wanted to see the golden plates

Joseph never showed 'em

I have maggots in my scrotum

Um, okay?

Well, anyway

Now comes the part of our story

That gets a little bit sad

On the way to the promised land

Mormons made people mad

Joseph was shot by an angry mob

And knew he'd soon be done

You must lead the people now

My good friend, Brigham Young

Oh, God! Why are you letting me die?

Without having me show people the plates?

They'll have no proof I was telling the truth or not

They'll have to believe it just 'cause

Oh, I guess that's kinda what you were going for

The Prophet Joseph Smith died for what he believed in

But his followers, they kept on heading west and Brigham Young led them to paradise

A sparkling land in Utah they called Salt Lake City

And there the Mormons multiplied and made big Mormon families

Generation to generation, until finally, they made me

And now it's my job to lead you where those early settlers were led, long ago

Have you heard of the all-American prophet?

Kevin Price!

The next in line to be the voice of God?

My best friend!

He's gonna do something incredible

And be Joseph Smith again

'Cause Kevin Price, the prophet, is all, all-American

If you order now, we'll also throw in a set of steak knives!

All-American!