Nickelodeon Girls

(Hello, Nickelodeon Headquarters)

Hi, sorry to disturb you this, this late in the night

Uh, I-I have a serious inquiry directed towards Nickelodeon, uh

Uh, my question is, what the fuck are you doing?

You know, y'all used to have some fire bitches!

And when I turn on the TV, I'm tryna see my favorite bitches

Zoey 101? Jennette McCurdy? Oh my God

And now all you got is these preteens

Bruh, I'm not a pedo'

I'm not tryna look at these little kids and get aroused

Now I can't watch Nickelodeon with my dick in my hand anymore

Now I'm fuckin' upset

This is some fuckin' bullshit

(Dan Schneider)

Bring all my bitches back

I need all my bitches, I need all my bitches

The new shit you put out is wack

Dan Schneider

I'm just tryna get an erection

But now that these kids lookin' 13 and under

My penis will suffer

Dan fucking Schneider

This ain't a fucking game, bitch

I wanna watch a sitcom

With my hand on my dick

I wanna see a titty (Titty)

Not fucking kid shit

Return all the hot chicks

Or you gon' get it, bitch

ICarly, iCarly

I don't care if you look like Michael Jackson

As long as you givin' me action

And Freddy gon' film the reaction

Sam gonna join in

And suck me a fat one

Nickelodeon girls

(Can't live without 'em, woo)

Ariana Grande

I know I drive a Hyundai

I can put you in a coma

Have brunch on a Sunday (Fancy)

My dick put you in a coffin

All night screamin' and tossin', uh

Victoria Justice

I know you tryna touch this

Lizzie McGuire is tight

But I bet Zoey's tighter

You can find me in her bed

Diggin' through that vaginer

Amanda Bynes, you a lil' bit crazy

But you can still have my babies, woo

Go down like a dog with the rabies

Y'all can't save me

Uh, a little bit of weed, hard liquor for the ladies

Got me feelin' like a young Dan Schneider from the '80s

With a Jewish law firm and an all-black Mercedes

And she playing with the balls like Brady, aye

Fuck off with the shitty little kids and their stupid shit

I only wanna see the ones with a body fit

And I don't wanna be the one to be a little bitch about it

But I'm sayin' what everybody's thinkin'

Where the titties at?

Dan Schneider, why you ruining your business?

You realize I'd probably buy cable

If you keepin' all the girls and the ratings all stable

'Cause I ain't tryna see a young baby in the cradle

'Cause I'm not a pedophile

I'm not tryna see that shit, come on, man

The girls I have sexualized are all in their 20s and 30s

(Disclaimer)

I'm not sayin' you should change all the bitches

But at least somethin' after 10:30 (30)

Dan Schneider

Bring all my bitches back

I need all my bitches, I need all my bitches

I need all my bitches back

I love you, Dan Schneider

Just please bring 'em back