Where Did We Go Wrong

She's perky

She's bubbly

She's optimistic

Where did we go wrong

We taught her to hunt

We taught her to aim

We gave her a bow

We gave her no shame

We gave what we had

Made sure she was bad

Did all that we could to keep her sad

We told her to stay away from modern jazz

We gave her that week long trip to Alcatraz

We promised she'd be equipped

And filled her crypt with woe

What did we know

We took her to funerals in the morning mist

We took her to slaughterhouses

Schindler's List

We taught her to scowl and sneer

And domineer

On cue

So

What did we do

Where did we go wrong

Are we good parents

Where did we go wrong

Are we cliché

Somewhere in between

Guilt and guillotine

We forgot to notice that our daughter lost her way

Where did we go wrong

And can we fix this

Maybe it's a passing phase

But if she's going wrong

Then what will change her ways

That's it, we cancel the dinner, bolt the doors

We'll circle the wagons

And give goodie-licious Beinekes the boot

We must intervene

We shouldn't delay

She's barely eighteen

So what do we say

We know the occult

That's certainly true

We're here to consult

Morticia, with you

So why all the fuss

My darling, discuss

She needs only us

It's us, only us

We've always been there for her

To swear for her

Disparaged dental care for her

Do well for her, excel for her

Make home a living hell for her

So where did we go wrong

Is not the question

Resolute and strong

Is our next move

We'll tell her today

Do what we say

Send all the Beinekes back to the fray

Turn them away at first sight

And that's where we'll go right

No dinner tonight