I Am the Very Model of a Modern

I am the very model of a modern Major-General

I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral

I know the kings of England and I quote the fights historical

From Marathon to Waterloo in order categorical

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical

I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical

About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news

Lot o' news, got it?

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypote-pote-nuse

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus

I know the scientific names of beings animalculous

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral

I am the very model of a modern Major-General

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral

He is the very model of a modern Major-General

I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's

I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox

I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus

In conics, I can floor peculiarities parabolous

I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies

I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes!

Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore

Woo, din afore, got it!

And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore

And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore

And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore

And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pina-pina-fore

Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform

And tell you every detail of Caractacus's uniform

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral

I am the very model of a modern Major-General

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral

He is the very model of a modern Major-General

In fact, when I know what is meant by "Mamelon" and "Ravelin"

When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a Javelin

When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at

And when I know precisely what is meant by "Commissariat"

When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery

When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery

In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy

Ooh, I say, strategy, strategy, strategy, that's a hard one, isn't it?

I've got it!

You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee

You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee

You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee

You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a, sat a gee

For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury

Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century

But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral

I am the very model of a modern Major-General

But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral

He is the very model of a modern Major-General

Yes, presto agitato s'il vous plaît, maestro

In fact, when I know what is meant by "Mamelon" and "Ravelin"

When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a Javelin

When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at

And when I know precisely what is meant by "Commissariat"

When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery

When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery

In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy

You'll say a better Major-General has never rode a horse

You'll say a better Major-General has never rode a horse

You'll say a better Major-General has never rode a horse

You'll say a better Major-General has never rode a, rode a horse

For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury

Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century

Still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral

I'm the very model of a modern Major-General

But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral

He is the very model of a modern Major-General

Yes well, thank you

Well, yes, well, now that I've introduced myself

I should like to know what's going on?

Permit me! I can explain in two words

We propose to marry your daughters

Oh, dear me!

Against our wills, papa

Against our wills

You, you, you mustn't do that

May I ask, may I ask?

This is a, this is a picturesque uniform, I'm not familiar with it

What are you?

We are all single gentlemen

Well yes, I gathered that

Anything else?

No, nothing else

Papa, don't believe him

They are pirates

The famous Pirates of Penzance

The Pirates of Penzance?

I've often heard of them

All except for this gentleman

Who was a pirate once, but is out of his indentures today

And needs to lead a blameless life evermore

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute

I object to pirates as sons in law

We object to Major-Generals as fathers in law

But we waive that point

We do not press it

We look over it

An idea, and do you mean to say

I said, do you mean to say that you would rob me of these?

The sole remaining props of my old age?

And leave me to go through the remainder of my life unfriended, unprotected and alone?

Well, yes, that's the idea

Tell me, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan?

Oh, dash it all

Here we are again