Top Songs By Arlo Guthrie
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Credits
PERFORMING ARTISTS
Arlo Guthrie
Vocals
COMPOSITION & LYRICS
Arlo Guthrie
Songwriter
PRODUCTION & ENGINEERING
Al Brown
Assistant Producer
Fred Hellerman
Producer
Lyrics
This song is called Alice's Restaurant
And it's about Alice
And the restaurant
But Alice's Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant
That's just the name of the song
And that's why I call the song Alice's Restaurant
You can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant
You can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant
Walk right in, it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
And you can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant
Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago
It was on two years ago on Thanksgivin'
When my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the restaurant
But Alice doesn't live in the restaurant
She lives in the church nearby the restaurant
In the bell tower with her husband Ray, and Facha the dog
And livin' in the bell tower like that
They got a lot of room downstairs
Where the pews used to be and
Havin' all that room
Seein' as how they took out all the pews
They decided that they didn't have to take out their garbage
For a long time
We got up there, we found all the garbage in there
And we decided it'd be a friendly gesture for us
To take the garbage down to the city dump
So we took the half a ton of garbage
Put it in the back of a red VW Microbus
Took shovels, and rakes, and implements of destruction
And headed on toward the city dump
Well, we got there and there's a big sign
And a chain across the dump
Sayin', "Closed on Thanksgiving"
And we had never heard of a dump closed on Thanksgiving before
And with tears in our eyes, we drove off into the sunset
Lookin' for another place to put the garbage
We didn't find one
'Til we came to a side-road
And off the side of the side-road was another fifteen-foot cliff
And at the bottom of the cliff was another pile of garbage
And we decided that one big pile was better than two little piles
And, rather than bring that one up
We decided to throw ours down
That's what we did
Drove back to the church
Had a Thanksgivin' dinner that couldn't be beat
Went to sleep
And didn't get up until the next morning
When we got a phone call from Officer Obie
He said, "Kid, we found your name on a envelope
At the bottom of a half a ton of garbage, and
Just wanted to know if you had any information about it
And I said, "Yes sir, Officer Obie
I cannot tell a lie
I put that envelope under that garbage"
After speakin' to Obie for about forty-five minutes on the telephone
We finally arrived at the truth of the matter
And said that we had to go down, and pick up the garbage
And also had to go down, and speak to him at the police officer station
So we got in the red VW Microbus
With the shovels, and rakes, and implements of destruction
And headed on toward the police officer station
Now, friends, there was only one of two things
That Obie could've done at the police station
And the first was that he could've give us a medal
For bein' so brave, and honest on the telephone
Which wasn't very likely, and we didn't expect it
And the other thing was that he could've bawled us out
And told us never to be seen drivin' garbage around the vicinity again
Which is what we expected
But when we got to the police officer station
There was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon
And we was both immediately arrested, handcuffed
And I said, "Obie, I don't think I can pick up the garbage
With these handcuffs on"
He said, "Shut up kid, get in the back of the patrol car"
And that's what we did
Sat in the back of the patrol car
And drove to the, quote, scene of the crime, unquote
I want to tell you 'bout the town of Stockbridge, Massachusetts
Where this is happenin' here
They got three stop signs, two police officers
And one police car
But when we got to the scene of the crime
There was five police officers, and three police cars
Bein' the biggest crime of the last fifty years
And everybody wanted to get in the newspaper story about it
And they was usin' up all kinds of cop equipment
That they had hangin' around the police officer station
They was takin' plaster tire-tracks
Footprints, dogs smellin' prints
And they took twenty-seven eight-by-ten colored glossy photographs
With circles and arrows
And a paragraph on the back of each one, explainin' what each one was
To be used as evidence against us
Took pictures of the approach, the getaway
The northwest corner, and southwest corner
And that's not to mention the aerial photography
After the ordeal, we went back to the jail
Obie said he was gonna put us in a cell
Said, "Kid, I'm gonna put you in a cell
I want your wallet and your belt"
And I said, "Obie, I can understand your wanting my wallet
So I don't have any money to spend in the cell
But what do you want my belt for?"
And he said, "Kid, we don't want any hangings"
I said, "Obie, did you think I was gonna hang myself for littering?"
Obie said he was making sure
And, friends, Obie was
'Cause he took out the toilet seat
So I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown
And he took out the toilet paper
So I couldn't bend the bars, roll out
Roll the toilet paper out the window
Slide down the roll and have an escape
Obie was making sure
And it was about four, or five hours later that Alice
Remember Alice?
It's a song about Alice
Alice came by
And with a few nasty words to Obie on the side
Bailed us out of jail
And we went back to the church
Had another Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat
And didn't get up until the next morning
When we all had to go to court
We walked in, sat down
Obie came in
With the twenty-seven 8 x 10 colored glossy pictures
With the circles and arrows
And a paragraph on the back of each one
And sat down
Man came in, said, "All rise"
We all stood up
And Obie stood up
With the 27 8 x 10 colored glossy pictures
And the judge walked in
Sat down with a seeing eye dog
And he sat down
We sat down
Obie looked at the seeing eye dog
And then at the twenty-seven 8 x 10 colored glossy pictures
With the circles and arrows
And a paragraph on the back of each one
And looked at the seeing eye dog
And then at the twenty-seven 8 x 10 colored glossy pictures
With the circles and arrows
And a paragraph on the back of each one
And began to cry
Because Obie came to the realization
That it was a typical case of American blind justice
And there wasn't nothing he could do about it
And that judge wasn't gonna look
At the twenty-seven 8 by 10 colored glossy pictures
With the circles and arrows
And a paragraph on the back of each one, explaining what each one was
To be used as evidence against us
And we was fined fifty dollars
And had to pick up the garbage in the snow, but
That's not what I came to tell you about
Came to talk about the draft
They got a building down in New York City, it's called Whitehall Street
Where you walk in
You get injected, inspected
Detected, infected
Neglected and selected
I went down and got my physical examination one day
And I walked in, I sat down
Got good and drunk the night before
So I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning
'Cause I wanted to look like the all-American kid from New York City
I mean I wanted, I wanted to feel like I-
I wanted to be the all-American kid from New York
And I walked in, sat down
I was hung down, brung down
Hung up, and all kinds of mean, nasty, ugly things
And I walked in, I sat down
They gave me a piece of paper
Said, "Kid, see the psychiatrist, room 604", and
I went up there, I said, "Shrink, I want to kill
And I want, I want to kill
Kill
I want, I want to see
I want to see blood and gore
And guts and veins in my teeth
Eat dead, burnt bodies
I mean, kill
Kill
Kill
Kill"
And I started jumping up and down, yelling "Kill, kill"
And he started jumping up and down with me
And we was both jumping up and down, yelling "Kill, kill"
And the sergeant came over
Pinned a medal on me
Sent me down the hall
Said, "You're our boy"
Didn't feel too good about it
Proceeded on down the hall
Getting more injections, inspections
Detections, neglections
And all kinds of stuff that they was doing to me
At the thing there
And I was there for two hours
Three hours
Four hours
I was there for a long time
Going through all kinds of mean, nasty, ugly things
And I was just having a tough time there
And they was inspecting, injecting, every single part of me
And they was leaving no part untouched
Proceeded through, and I
When I finally came to see the very last man
I walked in
Walked in, sat down
After a whole big thing there
And I walked up, and said, "What do you want?"
And he said, "Kid, we only got one question
Have you ever been arrested?"
And I proceeded to tell him the story of Alice's Restaurant Massacree
With full orchestration and five-part harmony
And stuff like that, and then other phenomenon
And he stopped me right there
And said, "Kid, did you ever go to court?"
I proceeded to tell him the story
Of the twenty-seven 8 x 10 colored glossy pictures
With the circles and arrows
And a paragraph on the back of each one
He stopped me right there
And said, "Kid, I want you to go over
And sit down on that bench that says, "Group W
Now, kid!"
And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there
And there's
There's Group W is where they, where they put you
If you may not be moral enough to, to join the army
After committing your special crime, and
There was all kinds of mean, nasty
Ugly-looking people on the bench there, there's
Mother-rapers, father-stabbers
Father-rapers
Father-rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me
And one, they was mean, and nasty, and ugly
And horrible
And crime finding guys were sitting there on the bench
And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one
The meanest father-raper of them all
Was coming over to me
And he was mean and ugly and nasty
And horrible and all kinds of things
And he sat down next to me
And said, "Kid, what'd you get?"
I said, "I didn't get nothing"
I had to pay fifty dollars and pick up the garbage
He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?"
And I said, "Litterin'"
And they all moved away from me on the bench there
And the hairy eyeball, and all kinds of mean nasty things
'Til I said, "And creating a nuisance"
And they all came back, shook my hand
And we had a great time on the bench
Talking about crime, mother-stabbing
Father-raping
All kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the bench
And everything was fine
We was smoking cigarettes, and all kinds of things
Until the sergeant came over
Had some paper in his hand
Held it up and said, "Kids
This piece of paper's got 47 words
37 sentences, 58 words
We wanna know details of the crime
Time of the crime
And any other kind of thing
You gotta say pertaining to
And about the crime
I want to know arresting-officer's-name
And any other kind of thing you gotta say"
And he talked for forty-five minutes
And nobody understood a word that he said
But we had fun filling out the forms
And playing with the pencils on the bench there
And I filled out the Massacree with the four-part harmony
And wrote it down there just like it was
And everything was fine
And I put down a pencil
And I turned over the piece of paper, and
And there, there on the other side
In the middle of the other side
Away from everything else on the other side
In parentheses, capital letters
Quotated
Read the following words
"Kid, have you rehabilitated yourself?"
I went over to the sergeant and said, "Sergeant
You got a lot of damn gall
To ask me if I've rehabilitated myself
I mean, I mean, I mean that you
I'm sitting here on the bench
I mean I'm sitting here on the Group W bench
'Cause you want to know
If I'm moral enough to join the army
Burn women, kids, houses and villages
After being a litterbug"
He looked at me and said, "Kid
We don't like your kind
And we're gonna send your fingerprints off to Washington"
And, friends, somewhere in Washington
Enshrined in some little folder
Is a study in black and white of my fingerprints
And the only reason I'm singing you the song now
Is 'cause you may know somebody in a similar situation
Or you may be in a similar situation
And if you're in a situation like that
There's only one thing you can do
Is walk into the shrink wherever you are
Just walk in, say, "Shrink
You can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant"
And walk out
You know, if one person
Just one person, does it
They may think he's really sick, and they won't take him
And if two people, two people do it
In harmony
And they think they both faggots
And they won't take either of them
And if three people do it
Three
Can you imagine three people walking in
Singing a bar of Alice's Restaurant
And walking out?
They may think it's an organization
And can you
Can you imagine fifty people a day?
I said fifty people a day
Walking in, singing a bar of Alice's Restaurant
And walking out?
And friends, they may think it's a movement
And that's what it is
The Alice's Restaurant Anti-Massacree Movement
And all you gotta do to join
Is to sing it the next time it comes around on the guitar
With feeling
So we'll wait 'til it come around on the guitar here
Sing it when it does
Here it comes
You can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant
You can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant
Walk right in, it's around the back
Just a half-a-mile from the railroad track
And you can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant
That was horrible
You want to end war and stuff you gotta sing loud
I could put a lot
I've been singing this song now for twenty-five minutes
I could sing it for another twenty-five minutes
I'm not proud
Or tired
So we'll wait 'til it comes around again
And this time with four-part harmony and feeling
We're just waiting for it to come around is what we're doing
All right now
You can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant
Except'n Alice
You can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant
I said, walk right in, it's around the back
Just a half-a-mile from the railroad track
And you can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant
At Alice's restaurant
Written by: Arlo Guthrie