Freaky Tales

These are the tales, the freaky tales

These are the tales that I tell so well

These are the tales, the freaky tales

These are the tales that I tell so well

I met this girl, her name was Joan

She loved the way I rocked on the microphone

When I meet Joan, I took her home

She was just like a doggy all on my bone

I meet another girl, her name was Ann

All she wanted was to freak with her man

When I meet Ann, I shook her hand

We ended up freaking by a garbage can

The next young freak I meet was Red

I took her to the house and she gave me head

She liked to freak

It's all she said

We jumped in the sheets and we broke my bed

There's another girl, her name is Mary

Talk about sex and the girl acts scary

I heard she was freaking for my home boy Jerry

Took her to the house and I popped that cherry

Young and tender

Sweet Denise

Get her in the bed and the girl's a beast

I tell you home boy if you get a piece

She'll only start talking about signing a lease

I meet this tender, her name was Laura

And ex rated movie wouldn't tell her story

She had a twin sister, her name was Lisa

And just like Laura, she's a real dick pleaser

My girlfriend's name was Michelle

Her booty was bigger than a tail on a whale

When I freak Michelle, I freak her well

Her pussy got hotter than the flames in Hell

I G'ed this girl, her name is Tammy

I didn't wanna do it 'cause the bitch was flammy

She had her best friend, her name was Jane

I pulled her to the side and I spit that game

I meet a lot of freaks in my life span

Freak one night with a girl named Pam

The very next day I saw her with her man

One week passed and I was in her again

I had her on Tinder

Her name's Jeanine

She was thirty-two and I was only eighteen

She likes to freak

She's just a fiend

It really didn't matter when I saw her in jeans

I wanna big freak

Fat and sloppy

I kick on back and watch her model

Two tones of fun

Big mamma jamma

A country girl from Alabama

I meet this freak, her name was Beth

Her pussy got wet and it smelt like death

I was tired as hell, I was dripping sweat

But I was all up in here trying to hold my breath

Bake and shake us

I meet this freak in Vegas

She said her name was Dinah

She was a built little freak form China

I said, I don't pimp or gigolo

I'm having so much money, I don't need a hoe

You can break yourself

But you can't break me

You never meet a player like $hort, baby

I knew her dick sucker named Betty Jo

Took her to my house and we did it on the floor

The girl got freaky and I'll tell you more

She was down on her knees, begging to blow

She's like another freak named Renee

You get her all alone and she'll make your day

Like Burger King, she knows the play

With a freak like Renee you can have it your way

These are the tales, the freaky tales

These are the tales that I tell so well

These are the tales, the freaky tales

These are the tales that I tell so well

I meet this girl

Thick as hell

Only sixteen, said her name was LaNell

I took her to my house

I could not wait

Her shit was much tighter than a Century safe

Let me tell you this since we're talking young

I meet another girl, said her name was Yvonne

Always talking bout having fun

Once again at the pad I had it going on

I'm Sir Too $hort

Couldn't be no punk

I'm trying to get funky like female funk

So when you see me coming

Or see me going

I'll keep my money, let the hoes keep going

I once meet a hooker, she did it for free

On the Foot Hill bus number 43

All the way in the back she was working me

Had my big, big box and I was jamming the beat

I meet this freak named Antoinette

Mac on baby like an iced Corvette

Everything she had is what I get

'Cause I'm Too short, baby, I don't play that shit

I meet another freak

Her name was Reta

Baby thought Too $hort just might eat her

I told like this, she could suck my Peter

Or either go home 'cause I knew I didn't need her

Scratched her name on my telephone book

Never again took a second look

'Cause the next young freak, her name was Sharon

She kept looking, while I kept starring

Baby came through with my homeboy Daren

Her booty was stuffed in the jeans she was wearing

She never left

He cut out

I know you all know what I'm talking about

There's a freak named Shannon

Such a sinner

She smokes that pipe and she's getting thinner

Shannon is cool

But her mind is gone

One fat rock and it's going on

She had another buddy came by my place

Thick ass bitch said her name was Grace

She walked in the door, working late

You should have seen that look that was on my face

She's like this tinder, named Belinda

The homeboys called her, Belinda the blender

She gave head like she made it up

She was twenty years old with a big round butt

Had a girl, looked like Olive Oil

Her father was rich and the girl was spoiled

When she got mad, her blood would boil

But I wrapped her all up like aluminum foil

These are the tales, the freaky tales

These are the tales that I tell so well

These are the tales, the freaky tales

These are the tales that I tell so well

Shockedy Life

Friday night

It's going on

Too $hort

Three weeks ago I meet this freak

She followed me around like Mary Sheeth

I hid around the corner and when she came

I grabbed her by the arm and I asked her name

She said it was Anita

Her man's in Santa Rita

I took her to my house and home boy I did her

Sent her on her way

The very next day

Play boy $hort was ready to play

I bumped into this girl

Her names Roshawn

We hit the motel and had it going on

Holiday Inn till the break of dawn

When I took baby home I freaked her mom

I knew this tinder

Names Sharee

I took her to my house and let her freak on me

Baby was a fan

She loved my beef

But I wouldn't raise my leg and let her kiss my feet

I meet this freak, named Yolanda

Road baby doll like a brand new Honda

I was on top she was up under

The bed hit the wall and it sounded like thunder

I once had a date with a girl named Kitty

She was so fine with her big fat titties

All night long she was acting shitty

So I macked on baby like I was Frank Nitty

There's another girl, her name is Rose

I use to ride baby like brand new volks

I never saw Rose wearing clothes

She's a Pent House pet, ready to pose

I was riding down the street when I meet Janet

Her booty was bigger than the whole damn planet

Ass everywhere

I just can't stand it

Tried to comment but I could not manage

I had this freak, her name was Bunny

Said I'm the only man who ever called her honey

Everything I did to her was funny

I macked on Bunny and I took her money

Eight tonight, a date with Shirley

She was real short and her hair was curly

If you saw baby, you'd like this girly

She was so fine, I went to get her early

Shirley was freaking like a girl named Rachel

Her bite was vicious and it sure was fatal

She likes to kiss all on my navel

Those are her lips on top of my label

I knew another freak

Her name was Candy

Real big lips and they came in handy

I smoothed God's work and it was so dandy

I hooked a broad up with my home body Randy

He did me a favor

In return

Gave me a lizard, said her name was Lavern

Baby got tossed then I got on

I grabbed the microphone and started singing my song

My young home boy

Heard me rap

And said he had way more freaks than that

So I told him like this

They might be freaking

But boy, you never had that TP treatment