If You Were Gay

Ah, an afternoon alone with my favorite book

Broadway Musicals of the 1940s

No roommate to bother me

How could it get any better than this?

Oh, hi Rod, hi, Nicky

You'll never guess what happened to me on the subway this morning

This guy was smiling at me and talking to me

Hmm, that's very interesting

He was being real friendly, and I think he was coming onto me

I think he might've thought I was gay

Uh, so, uh, why are you telling me this? Why should I care?

I don't care, what'd you have for lunch today?

Oh, you don't have to get all defensive about it, Rod

I'm not getting defensive

What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay? I'm trying to read

Well, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod

I just think it's something we should be able to talk about

I don't want to talk about it, Nicky, this conversation is over

Yeah, but Rod

Over

Well, okay, but just so you know

If you were gay

That'd be okay

I mean 'cause, hey

I'd like you anyway

Because you see

If it were me

I would feel free

To say that I was gay

But I'm not gay

Nicky, please! I am trying to read, what?

If you were queer

I'd still be here

Year after year

Because you're dear to me

And I know that you

Would accept me too

If I told you today

Hey, guess what, I'm gay

But I'm not gay

I'm happy

Just being with you

So what should it matter to me

What you do in bed with guys?

Nicky, that is gross!

No, it's not

If you were gay

I'd shout hooray

And here I stay

But I wouldn't get in your way

You can count on me

To always be

Beside you every day

To tell you it's okay

You were just born that way

And as they say, it's in your DNA

You're gay

I am not gay

If you were gay