Friends

You know my mom's always glad to see her friends

Especially girls I went school with and boys, but, you know

I don't understand middle-aged people nowadays

I don't understand them, I don't know

No sooner and I got here last Friday

I was in a hurry trying to make rehearsal and everything

And there stood right up beside the stage door

Stood a friend of mine, honest to goodness, I'm-, I'm-

I'm older than she is and she looked like my mother

There she's stood the hell over here

All big and fat waiting on me

And, and just a grinning, standing there grinning

Didn't have a one tooth and it was right in front

How did you work at the biggest job

Snapping holes and donuts down there?

I said, "Girl, why don't you," and she come over

"You sure do look good"

I said, "Why don't you pick yourself up? Your husband did

You got all that insurance and all them houses

And then once you pick yourself up, take off some that weight

And lift up some of it you, you ought to be ashamed of yourself

Look at your head

She say, "Yoshi, you make me feel so bad"

I said, "I don't care if I do," I said, "Pick yourself up"

She said, "You make me feel like committing suicide"

She said, "How you commit suicide?"

I said, "All you got to do is just to get you a good .38

And be sure it's loaded all the way around

Measure three inches below your left breast and pull the trigger"

Did you know that fool went home and shot herself to the knee?