Army

Well, I thought about the army

Dad said, son, you're fucking high

And I thought, yeah, there's a first for everything

So I took my old man's advice

Three sad semesters

It was only fifteen grand

Spent in bed, I thought about the army

I dropped out and joined a band instead

Grew a mustache and a mullet

Got a job at Chick-fil-A

Citing artistic differences

The band broke up in May

And in June, reformed without me

And they got a different name

I nuked another grandma's apple pie

And hung my head in shame, no

Been thinking a lot today

Been thinking a lot today

Oh-oh, think I'll write a screenplay

Oh-oh, think I'll take it to L.A.

Oh, think I'll get it done yesterday

Ah, shit

In this time of introspection

On the eve of my election

And I say to my reflection

God, please spare me more rejection

'Cause my peers, they criticize me

And my ex-wives all despise me

Try to put it all behind me

But my redneck past is nipping at my heels

Been thinking a lot today

Been thinking a lot today

Been thinking a lot today

I thought about the army