Steve

Reach for the hand brake now

Pull it upward, turn the wheel hard

In Danny's car, drifting in the parking lot, midnight at the church

How we'd float on in snowfall

On ice sheets on the asphalt

In circles turned, enclosing underneath

And in the backseat, you and I

Saw Calvary spinning after in the back of us

Caught you in the glass

Reflected by the streetlights as we passed

I noticed the expressions didn't match

Laughter on the one

Contrasted sadness

The look in your eyes against your hands

The ceiling and your seatbelt off

Dependent on your strength to anchor you

So forceful was the curve

Sent careening into me first

When Danny sideways crashed into the curb

That's the first thing that came back the day I heard

And we would push a little further every time

Breaking into buildings overnight when we got bored

Bent on cheating death

Turned left on every red

The cars ahead slamming on the brakes

We found purpose in laughing after danger

A curse we shouted out

Shot a gun inside the house once

Leaned over the edge of the rooftop

My belt held in the back

Seven stories up to write my name

You carved "Die young" with a pen

In the skin below your neck

To keep your recklessness closer to the chest, a reminder to reject

A perpetual hanging threat

A promise you kept now

True to yourself

To the end

In a sense

I suspect you always felt that way

No exceptions for the time you spent in ours

And in mine

And you drifted far away from us in time

Out of mind

Out of sight

What else is there to say now but goodbye?

And the last time I saw you

After years we spent apart

You came to my apartment just to talk

Dressed in a suit

Said your life had gotten better

Even then, I wasn't sure it was the truth

When Danny called to tell me

I didn't know how you had been

About the benchmarks you'd met in your life

The counterweights to tip

Keep equal weight on either side

The anguish of existing unrequested

And the joy to be alive

And I know now the truth

That a lie is one too

That some things unsaid

Really aren't in the end

Chief of my regrets

When he told me how you'd died

I'm ashamed I felt surprised

By your own hand at night, fired once and survived, and then somehow again

I saw Calvary behind you in the light

Scattered your reflection in the doctrine and I almost believed

We would enter in elected when we died

Carried by the U and the I in the T.U.L.I.P. despite how hard we tried

Both our names circled twice

You and I would get ushered triumphant into Heaven and the light

And you reached to find the brake

Nothing there to pull

To be pulled back with grace

From the way you chose to bring yourself relief

Backwards, forwards on the ice

Circles spinning helpless at the edge

There again, you and I

What else is there to say now but goodbye?