Morally Grey Hotties

I want a man who's morally grey

Like… 50 shades? No, more like 87, okay

I want a boy who's ethically blurred

Who says "I love you"

but like, in a murder-y way — sir

I don't need flowers or boring old trust

I want angst, betrayal, and emotional dust

If he's not an ex-Death Eater with trauma and sass

I'm swiping left — get your empathy outta my ass

You're telling me Draco Malfoy bullied her for six books straight

and I'm supposed to want… Ron Weasley

Ew

I want sharp cheekbones and sharper daddy issues, babe

Red flags? I call them love notes

Gaslight? Gatekeep? Gimme that code

Brooding? Broke? Bad communicator

Yes, yes, yes — AND I'LL CATCH HIM LATER

Joe Goldberg, read my texts

Stalk me softly, break my necks

If he's toxic but hot — I'm onboard

Welcome to the fandom, your honor: I simp for discord

I read Dramione smut, don't look at me,

Enemies-to-lovers is my Bachelor degree.

Yes Draco called her a Mudblood — boo hoo

But now they're shagging in the Room of Requirement and so should you

He's plotting murders, I'm plotting dates

He's committing felonies, I'm calling them "soulmates."

My therapist blocked me, my mom's concerned

But AO3 says "Explicit — Archive Warnings: None" so I never learned

Here's the thing.

If your favorite character doesn't have:

A tragic backstory

An arrest record

A weird ring he talks to at night

Are you even reading literature

Or are you just

Safe and mentally well

Red flags? I call them love notes

Toxic kings in long black coats

If he's brooding and morally bad

Sign me up, I'll call him Dad

Joe Goldberg, murder me sweet

But spell my name right when we meet

I love men with moral decay

And if loving them is wrong

That's exactly why I'll stay