Autofiction Detail

Awake at 3 a.m. and pacing, you were working, I was dazed

In the kitchen, tracing circles slowly

With the turning of the fan blades

And I left from our apartment to the corner, took a right

I saw shadows in the darkness casted

Intermittent in the flashing light

Of traffic signals blinking, somehow backwards in my eyes

I saw a stranger in the glass reflected

No one near me, but it can't be mine

And The Bible tells of revelations past

Sudden visitations come to prophets, stumbling on the path

And a flash of light, alive in night arrives

A voice from out of time proclaims—

Saul on the road to Damascus

Had a vision and the brightness struck him blind

And so he changed his name

Mine was no man, I was nothing

Going nowhere, I was gone

I was naked, I was vacant buildings

I was blending with the blight

I was ghostlike, I was hopeless

For no reason, said a prayer

Let some holy spirit moment

Come and force in me a change

A camera hung to capture on a traffic signal light

And a flash on the path to Damascus

And a change when Saul went blind

I had visions in the city every day

Despite it all, and what I saw

My sight remained

And the prophets in town all go on

Back and forward, nowhere, directionless

In their blankets, bending down

Shine and strike not with blinded eyes, but sight

To look around now, to see and to notice them

To see the smoke cloud

Climbing high

And in the night sky, find it—

An image where the light shines

And a sign from up above—

To see the tent now, burning bright

And to hear it crying out—

The voice of Christ at night

When he stumbled all alone and burned alive—

Under the streetlights when he died

Only traffic signals cameras to watch his life extinguished

Glowing white

Down on the corner by the bus stop

Dead

A woman on the sidewalk

Narcanned back to life, she rose again

Walked away

When the paramedics came

Resurrected by a stranger, she disappeared on Easter, I was there

When they pulled into the turnaround

I was standing, glowing red at emergency

Looked in every window, trying to find you inside

To find a sign

Glowing in the hallways

At the hospital at night

I can see it now

The place where I'd headed since I left—

Always here, you, I felt ashamed

You'd see me first, and know how badly I needed you

Now I turned around, heading homebound

Every current on the ground pulled me back to you

Stumble on the pathway, backwards

A burden and gift to see

Every moment we're alive, a disaster

Tragedy to be and breathe

A curving road, a light above

The labored veins to funnel us

A beating heart, and us, the blood

Thinning by the day

A heavy load, the weight of love

Tongue of flames, a welcome flood

Beating heart, and us, the blood

A beating heart, a beating heart

Tongue of flames, a light above

Voice of God, a smoking gun

A beating heart, a beating heart

A beating heart, a beating heart

Beating heart, a beating heart

A beating heart, a beating heart

A beaten dog, the snarling teeth

Face of God, a light above

Beating heart, and us, the blood

In all of us, a beating heart