Make It Until You Make It

I keep telling myself

That I keep telling myself

That I keep trying

But I've been forgetting again

Forgetting that it's happening

This presence of awareness

A closeup of clarity

What a wake!

I shouldn't have to remind myself

Again

That this is not a rehearsal

There is no script

Our lives mix poorly inside each other sweating badly to fit

Making it until I can make it

I have never done this before

How are you so sure?

We are given once our hearts

And our bodies are sinking ships

Bailing out the bad parts

Looking for the laugh

Bracing for the launch

Hanging in there

Waiting for the universe to show up

Breath held for an answer

Life pushed to the side

Right hand lit up like a Christmas tree

Pointing at the truth

In our hearts

Where it's always been

Making it while I figure this out

Still

I'm still figuring this out

How are you so sure?

Time, is how we count the things we waste

But that's easier said than done

Life has this way of coming around

Hope mixed with waiting it out

It doesn't make sense now

But long games are sure things that let us figure it out

Figure it out!

Even if it's just inside of me

There's no better place put the plow

Inside all the caves I make

On the other side of my moonbeam

Squinting

Forehead first

At the bottom of the world

Where all the oceans meet

Anchor in the air, outlined in sun

Making it until I can make it on my own

And I keep trying and trying

How are you doing this?

And just to be sure

I have never done this before

Like right now I can feel my heart

Pulling at the reigns wanting to change

Like it's done hundreds of thousands of times before today

And sometimes I follow it

And sometimes I weigh it down with whatever I find laying around

That will keep me from the pain of change

From the change of pain

Am I doing this again?

It's gonna take a lifetime to get it out

Get it out!

Like when I was young

And there wasn't this weight of perspective

And time moved slower than the growing pains

Going to sleep when it was still light out

With tears in my eyes

There was always so much more to see

Making it

While I try to Make it

I have never done today before

But I'm willing to try it again

Clawing at the bark

Trying to feel something

Making it until I make it