Uncle Jack

I woke up on the floor of a booze bus in Hickory

With a splitting head, and not a clue in hell what had happened to me

So I called out to the guard

To ask what was going on

And he just looked at me

Said you wouldn't believe

If I told you what you'd done

You were riding on a tractor

Cursing at a pastor

Who knows your mama by her name

You were southern belle chasing

Dirt road racing

Like you're running with the bulls in Spain

You were two shots in

With an ear to ear grin

When you took that walk of shame

Guess you forgot what daddy taught ya

Now I gone and caught ya

There's gonna be some hell to pay

No, Evan, Jim, and Mark won't do

Uncle Jack told me to

Well it all started rushing back in a haze of memory

The choices made, the shots chased in infamy

So I called out to the guard

Said can we get these charges dropped

He just looked at me with a sideways smile

And said take a seat, you'll be here a while

Cause you were riding on a tractor

Cursing at a pastor

Who knows your mama by her name

You were southern belle chasing

Dirt road racing

Like you're running with the bulls in Spain

You were five shots in

With an ear to ear grin

When you took that walk of shame

Guess you forgot what daddy taught ya

Now I gone and caught ya

There's gonna be some hell to pay

No, Evan, Jim, and Mark won't do

Uncle Jack told me to

You were riding on a tractor

Cursing at a pastor

Who knows your mama by her name

You were southern belle chasing

Dirt road racing

Like you're running with the bulls in Spain

You drank us out of whiskey

And got a little frisky

With the ladies at the end of the night

You were driving 95

In a souped up Chevy

From 1969

You were ten shots in

When you picked a fight with Tim

And he knocked you right back in line

Guess you forgot what daddy taught ya

Now I gone and caught ya

You're stuck here doing your time

And I still have all the scars to prove

That Uncle Jack told me to

Oh, Uncle Jack told me to