Fulfillment

Walking through the flames tryna make my way through

If I'm gonna escape then I can never save you

I would throw my life away, life away

I would throw my life away, life away

I watched you turn yo back at my darkest hours

You saw me slip away and let me hit the ground

You let me throw my life away, life away

You swore that you would never change, never change

No I never been easy to deal with

I always been someone who needed fulfillmen

Feed pain and I'm feeding my feelings

One day I'll be fine you can leave me until then

Fall-back from the effort I put into you

All-in-all I really tried to be friend to you

And I already I know I never been perfect

So how is it worth it for me to try convincing you?

Late nights, early mornings they feel the same

Believe me you don't wanna know just how I really think

Nowadays, I'm cynical and heartless

Everything was all affecting me in little ways

Scrutinizing your words, your love lost all that I heard

All I ever wanted was to be reasssured

I still pray your heart don't hurt

So I pray that you come up outta that darkness and you see ya life re-attain all the color

And you learn to give yourself all of the grace that I seen you have only been giving to others

I had to cut you off just for the sake or my mental so I'm hoping that you forgave me

Sometimes I take a step back cus it's right

Not cus I'm scared and been lacking in bravery

Just me hear out, I still love you now

But you left me hanging on a thread tell me what the fuck is that about

I want you right now, tear my heart right out

But I'm too fucked up and I can't afford to still keep you around

How do you recover when life always the opposite

Small things feeling like it's the apocalypse

No therapy so this is how the problem is

I'm overthinking so much it lead to thoughtlessness

It lead to stupid decision

It lead to ruining relations with the people that I actually care for

The people that I actually care for are people I'm scared for

I guess that's love in a rare form

I can't seem to shake the feelings that fuck with

Me so deep in the pit of my stomach

This anxiety is nothing short of soul-crushing

Why my family don't ever know that I'm struggling

Everything that makes me a person is ugly, everything that ever felt perfect is nothing

What the fuck is even perfection, I hate it passionately

Lately I been happy with the problems people having with me

I got some OCD, mixed the anger and top it all off with the fact it ain't dealt with

I make mistakes every day you can't judge me cus you never walked in my shoes you ain't felt it

Scrutinizing all on these words, ya love lost all that I heard

All I ever wanted was to be reasssured, get down and I pray that we heal

Just hear me out, I still love you now

But you left me hanging on a thread tell me what the fuck is that about

I want you right now, tear my heart right out

But I'm too fucked up and I can't afford to still keep you around