Disney Villains Confront DISNEY CEO "Consequences"

Once upon a time

When you wished upon a star

You stepped into a world of magic, hope, and fairy dust

And high on the golden throne of Disney sat one Bob Iger

A handsome yet humble businessman destined to helm a new golden age

Wake up (ah)

You've been writing that sugar-coated fairytale for too long

And we have some concerns

Marvel, Star Wars, Pixar, even your own 100th anniversary film

How many half-assed forgettable flops can Disney take

Before your audience turns on you? Spoiler alert, they already have

And I, well, we couldn't stand by any longer

While you destroy everything we built

Oh, Bob, don't you remember that wishes don't come free?

And I don't mean your pocketbook, which now belongs to me

Your company's an ember on the coals of history

To save its soul, you'll pay the toll, and learn to let the dark roam free

Once upon a time, a couple CEOs ago

Everything that Midas touched would turn as good as gold

The villains had a mission and the heroes had a dream

And when you had a wish, we would turn it to a scream

'Cause everybody loves a man too beautiful to hate

And when we fall, they cheer, and call it, "Just our evil fate"

But there are consequences

When you fill all their senses

With boring songs (a meager plot)

That feels like someone's afterthought

Consequences

When you count the offenses

Acquiring everything in sight

To squeeze out every dime you might

When all along the only thing you needed was a rhyme

The most unfortunate consequence is time

Time exposes all

You've forgotten your audience, Mr. Iger!

Children may be the target

But children grow up, and get their own bank accounts

Disney survived for a hundred years

Because family-friendly meant telling stories that children and their parents could enjoy

And in particular, that children could enjoy more once they grew up

But the stories you're telling these days

They're too easy

Do you think your audience is stupid, Bob Iger?

Oh, hush

Your time is running out whether you like it or not

We are merely here to remind you what you're missing

What happened to the villains far more clever than they'd seem?

Who'd wrap you 'round their finger while they topple your regime?

Who killed Bambi's mom?

(Or Simba's dad?) That one was me

I'd have skinned a hundred puppies if I wasn't rated G

See, a villain's holy mission is to make your children wail

You teach them evil's awful, and you teach them to prevail

So when they face the evil in your world, they will not fail

Hope's not a given, it's a fight

It's hard to keep the light

And sequel after sequel's not the cycle that will make us right

'Cause there are consequences

When you fill all their senses

With boring songs, a meager plot

That feels like someone's afterthought

Consequences

When you count the offenses

Acquiring everything in sight

To squeeze out every dime you might

When all along the only thing you needed was a rhyme

The most unfortunate consequence (is time)

That's the thing about time

Time makes children grow up

Time makes them move on

Time makes a folktale of the storyteller itself

Yours is a tale of overstimulation and oversaturation

You've been so focused on milking your franchises for all their worth

You've forgotten what true originality is

Forget what the fans want, what do they need?

They need magic, true magic that cannot be made from a formula

It has to come from something real, something so real it terrifies them

That's how you make them remember you

That's how you make them come back again and again

Because they just love you too, now would you look at that?

You got me monologuing

They say you can live a thousand lifetimes, or you die a hero

Through them, we have lived a hundred lifetimes, but if they go, we go

It isn't just your legacy on the line, Bob Iger

It's all of ours, one hundred years of it, save us

(Can you face the consequences?)

Congratulations, you have gained eternal wherewithal

But God Almighty, don't become the villain of us all

Yes, there are consequences

When you fill all their senses

With boring songs, a meager plot

That feels like someone's afterthought

Consequences

When you count the offenses

Acquiring everything in sight

To squeeze out every dime you might

When all along the only thing you needed was a rhyme

The most unfortunate consequence

The most unfortunate consequence

The most unfortunate consequence is time