Pull Up A Seat (feat. Danny Muldoon)

Pull up a seat, all laugh at me and my blues

Just 50p, a real family treat, watch me lose

Gather around, for less than a pound, watch me weep

Turn back the clocks, bring out the stocks onto street

Make me weep for my children

Cry for my wife

Watch the crowd crease up, at the story of my life

From the loons in the stalls

To the goons in front row

Come and give this show a go

Roll up, roll up

Roll up to see me break down

Roll up for the saddest divorcee

Roll up for a fully-fledged clown

A fool in the kitchen, a jester in bed

Rip up your tickets

Watch this farce instead

Roll up, roll up

Roll up to see me break down

Join in the queue then pull up a pew by my side

Now I'm all the rage, in life as on stage, watch me die

They’re selling dead fast

I don’t think they’ll last very long

These tickets to see, ugly old me, go so wrong

I’m a national joke

But a resolute chap

I'm tortured and teased but I'm used to that crap

From the howling in the gallery

To the giggles down front

Come and give this bloke a punt

Roll up, roll up

Roll up to see me break down

Roll up for the saddest divorcee

Roll up for a fully-fledged clown

A fool in the kitchen, a jester in bed

Rip up your tickets

Watch this farce instead

Roll up, roll up

Roll up to see me break down

One final bid for an adult and kid in the pens

A Bovril and pie, and a cry to the sky once again

Take up your seats

Popcorn and sweets and a drink

The theatre is packed for the opening act

Watch him sink

Roll up, roll up

Roll up to see me break down

Roll up for the saddest divorcee

Roll up for a fully-fledged clown

A fool in the kitchen, a jester in bed

Rip up your tickets

Watch this farce instead

Roll up, roll up

Roll up to see me break down

Roll up, roll up

Roll up to see me break down