Day 1

This is for whoever wanna hold onto hope when it feels like it ain't none This is for whoever so used to the pain in their brain so they stay numb This is for whoever wanna change but they may not be able to say none This is for everyone who knows what it's like to start over on day 1 This is for you. This is for me. This is for us. Childhood Trauma Day 1. This is sickening Oh my gosh, man, I feel sick Too many nights that I spent daydreaming 'bout a knife if that's the way that I would forget I should forget. I should forget Man, I wish I could forget this thing It's sad to say I've seen too many day 2's take a hit cause I couldn't kick this thing. Can't skip a scene I wish I had superpowers. I wish I had a genie or something What's the definition of a strong man or an overcomer cause I don't know the meaning of nothing So, this is day 1 Another fresh start has begun Again God's giving me a chance But do you know how many times I was convinced that He didn't have me in His plans I can't count So, here we are. Day 1 As good as it gets, it ain't fun In my mind, I don't wanna stay quiet but I'm too afraid of being judged to say something So, what do I do? I scream internally 'til my head fills up with anger Therapy? Me? You know goodness well certain things you don't tell to a stranger How praying supposed to work How my heart supposed to be Why do I wish everyone the best luck Wanna be angry at God so much but He's God So, I'm like, Lord, forgive me I messed up I'm messed up. I'm messed up And guess what. Guess what. I don't feel All the people who be coming and going. All this time that be passing but me, I don't heal. All the money that these habits have cost I'm tripping. Ain't paid nothing off but a phone bill The hundreds I could've stacked but lost Taco Bell can wait a whole 'nother month. Fix your own meals Whole time I still have these dreams All the while I still have these goals I wish I never knew a single thing there is to know about addiction But it started 13 years old Yeah, so Speak up 'bout what Say what out loud I ain't never had nobody to fuss out Silence is deadly. And I've been sitting here fading away slowly with a shut mouth If anything negative happens, I know what it is. I blame karma But I ain't fooling no one. I'm just another adult holding on to their childhood trauma This is one of those touchy topics That talking 'bout's frowned upon But add a melody and a beat then the heat that you speak is bearable to the sound of song Look at me Look at how far I've made it Who knew I'd be around this long If y'all ain't understand so far, let me try another way and you can tell me how I'm wrong This could've been my 13th reason You could've did it all without me No, no. This can't be my season I don't wanna fall. But I'll leave I set the pace but I'm wheezing But I cannot sink so I breathe Oh, life done gave me a beating And I keep on thinking why me Keep a box of tissue. I sneeze On the rocks, I slip through. I bleed I'm not a domestic abuser But trying to hit's how I grieve Wait, what's the issue; what I eat Just let me get the sides please I gotta turn off the computers I shouldn't've sit through live feeds Hey, hello gluttony. I'm greed Let's enjoy lust high speed Come keep me company. I'm sleep Master, too much. Eyes weak Well, let's have lunch. It's my treat Just buckle up in my seat You didn't wanna be stuck behind me But you just pushed a button and tried me This is for whoever wanna hold onto hope when it feels like it ain't none This is for whoever so used to the pain in their brain so they stay numb This is for whoever wanna change but they may not be able to say none This is for everyone who knows what it's like to start over on day 1 This is for you This is for me This is for us Childhood Trauma