The Donkey

Here's what happened when my friends and I got fired from the

haunted waterpark

Joe and Lindsey dressed up like zombies

Get the fuck out

That's what he sounded like back in those days

Cuz he did drugs

The owner is chasing us now

Cuz we stole things

We get out of there by running fast

Back at their place we took drugs and decided to make a

stop-motion animation film

It was about this doll

And she's having sex with this other doll

But it starts to not go so well

So she's cutting herself with razor blades

And we're like We need blood for this

So we're pricking ourselves with needles

Getting only little droplets

But it's not nearly enough

Joe gets up and disappears into the corner of the basement

Lindsey and I are quietly working on our shots

The man comes back to the center of the room and he says

I've got the blood

Lindsey runs upstairs immediately now

Screaming, crying

The man has sawed his arm to the bone

And he is bleeding all over the place

So the next day I'm going to see my friend Greg in Williamsport, who killed himself shortly after this, and I go out to my car and I notice my trunk has a dent in it. And I'm like Hm, that's weird. That wasn't here yesterday. Like, broken into. So I open my trunk and the bloody dolls are in the trunk of the car because I guess Joe had walked over there in the night with his fucked up arm and bled all over these dolls and broke into my

car and left the dolls in the trunk. So I'm driving up to Williamsport and this man calls me on the phone and he's like So Lindsey and I broke up and I'm like Uhh obviously which was also weird because they were both crazy and they were together for I don't know, 12 years, like since they were kids. And he's like And I told her that I'm in love with you and I'm like Joe, I'm not doing this right now and he's like So I got kicked out of the house and I'm like OK, well I'm driving somewhere and I can't be on the phone and he's like Well, I decided that I would invite you to live in my grandfather's shed in Nazareth and I'm like Joe, are you out of your fucking mind? I'm not gonna live in a shed in your grandfather's yard in Nazareth and then he's like Well if you don't wanna do that, we can live under this bridge in Newport.