Torch (feat. Joie Bianco)

When I start to feel useless what do I do

When everything’s collapsing do I fall into truth

Believe everything my brain decides to trip on?

Losing all my confidence mistakes I slipped on

Apply anxiety to that

Depression plus obsession is a deadly perfect match

Killing me inside because I hate the man I sometimes am

To nag and tease and push away all family friends I sometimes have

Maybe that’s just imagination

But when it’s this vivid can you blame my hesitation

To believe the truth when I only see this burning picture

Of my intentions suffocated by this vicious blizzard

Spiraling into uncertain depths

I have to promise Sally that I won’t cause my death

But sometimes in my mind I’m tempted to think of cheating life

Before remembering that will fully erase my light

I just want to be able to feel good right now

Reach the torch to spark my light and return right now

Why was I cursed with this vision

To perceive myself so little

Oh, oh

I don’t know

Man I’ve been dealing with this shit for the last 6 years

When my mom passed that added 10 new fears

To be dealing with all my grief and tears

All alone I had to cope with these three tiers:

Depression Anxiety and PTSD

The hallway in junior year I needed relief

The memories flooded

My body had shuddered

Brought back to the moment when everything had crumbled

My friends around me didn’t know what to do

Shit if I were them I wouldn’t have a clue

Of how to treat a traumatized teen

They couldn’t know in my head I’d just seen

My mom telling me that she wasn’t gonna make it

And how afterward I walked away shaking

Sent into shock

About to throw up

My body turned numb

The nurse picked me up

I just want to be able to feel good right now

Reach the torch to spark my light and return right now

Why was I cursed with that vision

Of when I had been so brittle

Oh, oh

I don’t know