Adelaide's Lament

It says here:

The average unmarried female

Basically insecure

Due to some long frustration may react

With psychosomatic symptoms

Difficult to endure

Affecting the upper respiratory tract

In other words, just from waiting around for that plain little band of gold

A person can develop a cold

You can spray her wherever you figure the streptococci lurk

You can give her a shot for whatever's she's got, but it just won't work

If she's tired of getting the fish-eye from the hotel clerk

A person can develop a cold

Oh, it says here:

The female remaining single

Just in the legal sense, yeah

Shows a neurotic tendency, see note (Oh, no)

Chronic organic syndromes

Toxic or hypertense

Involving the eye, the ear, the nose, and throat

In other words, just from wondering whether the wedding is on or off

A person can develop a cough

You can feed her all day with the vitamin A and the Bromo fizz

But the medicine never gets anywhere near where the trouble is

If she's getting a kind of name for herself, and the name ain't his

A person can develop a cough, ah, yeah

And further more, just from stalling and stalling

And stalling the wedding trip

A person can develop la grippe

When they get on the train to Niagara

And she can hear church bells chime

The compartment is air-conditioned

And the mood sublime

Then they get off at Saratoga for the fourteenth time!

A person can develop la grippe, yeah

La grippe, that's it

La post-nasal drip, uh-huh

With the wheezes

And the sneezes

And a sinus that's really a pip!

Oh, God

From a lack of community property

And a feeling she's getting too old

A person can develop a bad, bad cold!

Achoo!