I Told Her Lies

I took my baby home one night after a picture show

She said, "Rob, I'd like to take you in, but first, I need to know

Is it my body that you want, or the real girl inside?"

So I looked deep into my heart and I told her lies

Yeah, I told her lies, I told her lies

Big and little, long and tall, every shape and size

And when she unlocked the door, I knew I'd won the prize

I couldn't tell her what I thought, so I told her lies

Well, livin' on love would not do, she had to tie the knot

We bought the rings and made the plans quicker than a rifle shot

And when the justice said, "Now, do you swear?" I gazed into her eyes

And in a voice sincere with fingers crossed, I told her lies

Yeah, I told her lies, I told her lies

Big and little, long and tall, every shape and size

'Til when I heard the word "forever," it was then I realized

I couldn't tell her what I thought, so I told her lies

Now as the years went drifting by, temptation slowly grew

I'd stalk a tramp from time-to-time, I even slept with two

But no matter how I betrayed her, I made sure to keep it hid

And every time she got suspicious, well, you know what I did

I told her lies, I told her lies

Well, I chased women long and tall, every shape and size

She kept being faithful, I kept up my disguise

I couldn't tell her what I'd done, so I told her lies

Yeah, we lived on in perfect bliss and then one day I died

And as my soul flew Heavenward, I looked below and spied

A graveside filled with mourners and everyone in tears

And when the preacher rose to speak, I could not believe my ears

He said I'd been the kind of man all others aspire to be

A loyal friend, a loving spouse, ha, that rat lied more than me

So fellas, if you wanna stand tall in humanity's eyes

Just pay no mind to the laws of God, keep tellin' those lies

Yeah, I told her lies, I told her lies

Big and little, long and tall, every shape and size

I shunned the good, I spat on the true, all virtue I despised

I couldn't tell her what I thought, so I told her lies

I told her lies!