Tubular Bells

The hallway From outside An ordinary house A great house True — four hundred and eighty Three rooms Each one with its own marble wash basin and douche Bidet as it may But inside And the positions are reversed A human failing Some say a disease But a disease that Sir Francis Dashwood knew And knew it well Upstairs Inside and a revelation It's a discotheque No, no, uh There Are paintings Real And look here — a rare seventeenth century masterpiece And if I can scrape a little of it off Beneath I can find hidden a fourteenth Century underpiece Made entirely of tiny pieces of eggshells This lurid work has caused Controversy in the world of embroidery and anthropologicky No, I'll say it Again, anthropolology Umm No quite possibly make an anthropol, no, uh I mean an apolog.ph It has enthralled distinguished professors And in layman's language is blinking well baffling But to be more obtusely, buggered if I know "Yes buggered if I know And that's all we've gleaned so far from experts in fourteenth century Painting Renaissance Greengrocers, and recently revived members of the public Buggered if I know Vivian Stanshall, about three o'clock in the morning Oxfordshire, 1973 Goodnight