Bells and Whistles

If it pleases the court, and I know that I do There's something that I simply must address I have heard a report, and I swear it's not true About the secret to my great success So I am here to set the record straight There are just two methods that I use to help me litigate Bells and whistles will get 'em off Although the purists, they may scoff All you need are bells and whistles to win the case Though other jurists may say you're a disgrace The prosecution, they may rest Convinced that they have done their best Then I start blowin', I start clangin' One more Joe avoids a hangin' Bells and whistles are all you need Plus a comprehensive knowledge of the law Plus a comprehensive knowledge of the Thank you to the judge and all the members of the jury I will try to make this brief because I know you're in a hurry See, my client, the defendant, Dr. Joshua D. Skinner He was merely at the club to take his darling wife to dinner He stumbled on the body of Miss Elsie, the decedent And you may jump to conclusions, but the fact is that you needn't The prima facie evidence though it's an avalanche Will be expressly and indubitably proven circumstantial The testimony's hearsay and it reeks of retribution So what we have here is nothing but malicious prosecution And a verdict of not guilty is the only just solution Bells and whistles are all you need Plus a comprehensive knowledge, the kind you get in college A comprehensive knowledge of the law